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x--daughters-of-darkness--x · 4 years ago

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Amy Lee Dives Into the Tragedies That Inspired Evanescence’s ‘The Bitter Truth’ — Exclusive Interview

Congrats on the release of The Bitter Truth — how are you feeling?

Thank you, I'm feeling so happy that it's out. It's hard to really sum it up — awesome feelings of satisfaction. I'm really happy that it's out there and everybody's listening to it, it's cool to see the fans react to it and dig into it. We're going to be releasing our video for "Better Without You" (which came out on April 16), I'm so excited about the video!

So we're in a good, happy place right now. Looking forward to when we can be together again, for sure.

Obviously this wasn't your first record, but is the first new, original material you guys have put out in about a decade. Do you still find it nerve-wracking when you release new music, especially when fans have been waiting awhile for something new?

(Laughs) Well, I don't find it nerve-wracking as far as anticipating a reaction, I'm mostly just excited for that. It's just getting back into the groove of doing a lot of press and promo, and running around. And it's different nowadays with the pandemic because it's like, "Do your own lighting! Do your own audio! Do your own everything," and like, make it work from home most of the time.

So it's been a lot of work, but when you're working for something that you really love, it's worth it. I mean, it's fun. So I'm feeling good.

Have you seen any fan theories about any of the songs come up at all, and were any of them accurate?

That's a good question. I can't think of something off the top of my brain like that. I don't know, I feel like mostly they're just getting it. But you ask me whatever you want, and I will answer to the best of my comfort zone (laughs).

How did all of the personal tragedies that the band went through, and all of the events that have been happening in the world impact this album?

Those two things are literally the biggest lyrical catalyst for this time and for this album, particularly the grief. That's what started the whole thing. We started writing this album, focused on it, in 2019, at the beginning of the year. And I'm so glad we did, we had a bunch of writing sessions throughout 2019 in between touring, we'd just get together when we could and write. I was writing on my own, but just setting aside time as a band to write.

I lost my brother in 2018 at the beginning of the year, so that was just a really, impossibly hard life change. So I think I've learned, yet again, that the biggest challenges and the biggest pains in my life are usually what lead me to music, and it's hard to admit this, but what tend to make the best work for me. Not just grief, but challenges — things that are hard.

And the whole world has been going through incredible challenges over the last year, the last couple of years actually with everything going on, the pandemic and the fight for democracy in the world. All of that came at the right time, where I was coming out of grief. I'm still living in it, but processing it, and then this fire and this fight became a part of it. So the journey through all of that, that is the majority of what the album's about.

You kind of hit the nail on the head there because I was going to ask if you think that the best art seems like it comes out of a place of sadness and pain, since it is so cathartic for artists. And as you've called it — it's "writing to heal." So do you find yourself gravitating toward music that is more emotional?

You know, I don't even know if I can say it's "the best," but it's the deepest. It's the most meaningful. You have to go through something to have something to say that is going to touch somebody on a deep level. And for me personally, music has always been my therapy, my catharsis, the place to pour it out and spin it into something good that I can love and reflect on.

Instead of running away from all of the hard things in life, if I dive into them through music and really start pouring it out and processing there, it's like you're able to make it worth something. It wasn't just all a waste, because I have seen, over the last 17 years, with interacting with our fans how much that it can mean to them and help them connect and process and be something good in their lives.

Knowing that now, too, was something that pushed me forward in the times when I felt like it was too hard. Knowing that we were all going through something and our fans were down too and hoping for something, we promised we were gonna come out with a new album in 2020. We just all kind of made a pact at the beginning of the year when everything started getting shut down that we weren't gonna let anything stop us.

So how was your experience writing this album versus others in the past, and how do you think you've grown as a songwriter and a musician this time around?

We had to be brave. And you know, I have to say, it's weird to connect it to this, but Synthesis taught us something about being brave and trusting that something would work that we'd never tried before and just going for it.

I have always been the person who over prepares, practices for way too long before we get together, has everything totally run through when we're gonna play a concert that we've done before a lot of times. And I have broken from that routine so much in the past years.

Synthesis was important for us because we had to trust every day, the only way to do it was to work with a different orchestra every night. Having a different group of musicians onstage every single night was the only way to make that happen. You don't have time to have rehearsed the whole entire set with that group that day, and then play that whole concert that night, it's just not possible.

So we were literally playing the majority of our sets on that tour for the very first time with that group of musicians — without a click and everything else — just live in front of the audience. It was literally like a tightrope, like there's no way to know if something's gonna go horribly wrong, and we just had to trust that we were gonna be good enough musicians and performers to handle it and look at each other, and work through it and get to the next place.

Man, it was so satisfying, it was such a good experience, and it was so beautiful and rewarding. Part of the takeaway from that for me was to be confident and not to be afraid, and just to trust that we've got it in us to do what it is that we think we can do, that we dream of.

This year, going into it, we just started breaking rules. Before the pandemic even hit it was like, 'We don't have the whole album written. We just have a few songs and a whole bunch of pieces. We're not going on tour 'til March." That actually didn't happen, but we weren't planning to go on tour until last March (laughs).

Why don't we hit the studio for just a couple of songs and avoid burn out of having to have all of the songs before we go in, "Let's just go in for a couple of songs." It went really well, it turned into four and then we had to be apart for the rest of the album.

It was another one of those moments where it's like, "Okay, we can either have faith and just say 'Fuck it, I don't know what's gonna happen with the pandemic or when we're ever gonna be able to go back and get together again in person. But I have faith that we're gonna find a way to work it out no matter what. So let's go ahead and start putting singles out.'"

It was either that or just wait and go, "Sorry everybody, I know we said we were gonna release music, but we're not going to." I didn't want to be another disappointment. There was so much of it last year, I wanted to be something that was proof that life could go on.

So the decision was just like, "Okay, we're gonna go ahead. We're gonna put out 'Wasted On You' and make a video from home, and then release another one in a couple of months." And it wasn't just about not knowing when we were gonna get back together, it was that the songs weren't written, and for me, that's terrifying. Like, before the songs are written, we're already on a promo schedule and talking about the album, releasing songs already and like, the clock is ticking in a way.

That was a lot of pressure to put on ourselves, but it really was just like, "We're just gonna have to have faith in this. I know we can do it somehow. We always do. In the end it works out, it's gonna work out!" And thank god it did, we finally got to get together, most of us, last end-of-July. Jen [Majura, guitarist], we still haven't seen since those first four songs right before the pandemic lockdown.

That's wild. I mean, it's out now, and it seems like it came just at the turning point in all of this with the vaccine and everything. Everybody's starting to get back on their feet.

Yeah, I think it's working out honestly. Because now, it's just come out and we can at least see the light at the end of the tunnel. Like you said, with the vaccines and stuff and getting back and eventually going on tour. Because the next thing that we're all just looking towards and dying for, is to play these songs live.

Absolutely. How do you think that these songs might translate live differently from anything you guys have done in the past?

It's just going to feel really good to have new material to play live, like so much of it. Because for so long, we've been playing shows a lot over the past, I don't know how many years, during this time that we haven't been putting out new music. So our live show has really just been about picking out hits and our favorites and whatever, and making set lists out of our music that's been there.

We finally have something that represents us now that isn't, there were a couple of songs on Synthesis, but literally since like 2011. We're a new band since then, a lot happened since then. So to put something out now that feels so exactly in tune with who we are, what our tastes are, what our abilities are, is just gonna feel really good. It's gonna be hard to play the old ones, honestly.

So let's dive into the album a little bit. Starting with the opener, I'm not sure if there's an actual significance to this or not, but is there a reason "Artifact" and "The Turn" are split into different parts?

They're different songs in my head, it was kind of a decision about the first bit, the second bit and "Broken Pieces Shine," like where the track markers were gonna go. And that was a tough choice for me because I know the majority of people aren't really listening in order on a CD, a lot of people are just plucking out a song.

So I want you to be able to click to "Broken Pieces Shine" and just hear the song, but it so needs that build-up, that's part of it in my mind. So it really was just a decision about clipping it.

The first part — "Artifact" — that's me in a hotel in the middle of the night on tour in 2019, just recording into my laptop. I just had an idea. We actually kept it and didn't re-record it, which was really weird, and I didn't expect to happen. But it just made sense in the end.

That next portion — "The Turn" — that's a collaboration between Scott Kirkland from the Crystal Method and myself. We just sorta met on tour one day and made friends, and decided, "Hey, send me stuff! I'd love to work with you, okay I'd love to work with you." And he sent me a bunch of stuff, and I sent him stuff. He had that bit of music sort of, and I rearranged it and wrote vocals to it and that turned into that part.

I knew early on that I wanted that into "Broken Pieces Shine" to be the beginning of the album because of the way the lyrics set it up. The first part, "Artifact," lyrically is just a dedication to my brother. I'm just gonna put it that simply — it's a dedication to my brother.

And then when "The Turn" starts, it's sort of just like this calling-us-back, like calling all of the spiritual forces in the universe back to ourselves and collecting all the pieces of who we've been, who we were, who we are and who we're gonna be.

After all this time that we haven't been out, it's like we need to just build into the moment where you finally hear the guitars come in. So that's part of it.

And then when "Broken Pieces Shine" happens... I've always sort of seen this album, the moment, like where it begins and what it's about, is it begins sort of at ground zero of a tragedy. The result of the album is about the journey getting back up.

So when I hear those guitars, and the first line starts, "There's no way back this time / What is real and what is mine / Survival hurts," it's like I see somebody face-down on the ground standing back up again and dusting off, clawing back up and then starting to walk forward and refuse to just lay there and die.

So that's the setup to the beginning of the album, and then the rest is plenty of ups-and-downs, and it's about plenty of things. But that's the beginning of the journey.

"The bitter truth" is a line that's repeated a couple of times throughout "Wasted on You." How did you go about choosing that as the title for the album, as opposed to any other phrase that's repeated throughout the album?

I think it really sums up a theme that we come back to a lot on the album, which is about facing the pain. The only way out is through, not just the pain, but facing the broken pieces, facing the things about ourselves and about our society that aren't perfect, that are flawed, that are broken or that are wounded.

Because we can't heal, we can't improve, we can't change, we can't grow and we can't ever leave the horror of the moment until we first accept the brokenness of ourselves. Until we accept that something's wrong, we can't fix it.

That song, "Wasted on You," that was one of the first ones that was really finished, and it was time to pick the album title and we were still writing songs. But it was already forming and I was like, "This sums up what we're talking about now and what we're going through in a really big way on an outward-in, inward level."

Based on the lyrics in "Wasted on You," do you consider yourself someone who has a hard time getting over things and moving on from things? What advice can you give to people who do struggle to move on from either failed relationships or a loss?

It's hard, because sometimes you're in a relationship that you just need to cut out of your life in order to move on. It's just true. It doesn't make you a bad person for you to just step completely away and cut somebody out of your life, and there are times I've had to do that. It sucks.

But you don't need to feel guilty about it if you're making a choice that's for health and stability and all of those things. But I think that we don't always have to do it that way either, and I do also think it's important to remember it's important not to just stuff stuff down like it never happened deep within yourself. I feel like it's better to hold onto your memories.

And even in those bad relationships, those bad breakups and those moments in time that you've had to move on from, I'm at a place in my life now where I'm not feeling anger anymore really. Not for the most part, even the people that were horrible (laughs). I'm not sitting around thinking about horrible, I wasn't able to actually still remember the good moments, too.

It's weird to say that. It took a really long time. But you only get one life. So I don't know, I try not to be the person who's constantly saying, "Oh that time was terrible, that person was terrible, everything about that was a monster," and flush it all away and forget about the parts about it that were why you were in that situation, too.

There's things that you need to move away from and then there's also things that you need to learn from, as well, so it's better not to forget, I guess is the right way to say it.

In "Yeah, Right," you talk about getting paid. Is that a literal reference to getting paid by an actual job, or is it in allusion to something deeper?

Uh, it's about money (laughs). I've seen money change people more often than I would've liked to. And it's always in a negative way.

Well I guess maybe this follows suit, does "Better Without You" happen to be about the music industry?

Part of it is, but it's not entirely about that. "Better Without You"... so each verse is dedicated to a different person or entity in my life along the way. And they go in order. I don't want to name-call, and I've carefully avoided doing that with this song and it's hard because they're about really specific things to me.

If you know me personally, then you know who it's all about. I don't really want to drag people into things many years later. So it starts out a long time ago (laughs) in the first verse with some battles there — a big one for independence. All of it was really a fight for independence.

The second one is the one that's more for the industry. And then the third one kind of brings us to today, in our world and the world around us. I sang the last few lyrics to "Better Without You," including the bridge, the day they called it for Biden. Not to make it political, because the song isn't really. But that was in my heart. I mean, "It's over. It's over now." Feeling it. And it felt so good to sing it knowing that it was true, at least in regards to Trump

Wow that's cool, I wouldn't have looked at it like that. There were a couple of songs where I was wondering if it was about a relationship or something on the grander scheme, and you letting go of that.

Yeah, it is. And it's funny because I don't want it to seem like it's all about the label. It's really not. That's been part of my journey, but there is stuff that's been way more personal than that, and harder. But when I say "the industry," it does mean more than the label. It's just the whole world of people that surround you when you're doing this.

And there was definitely more to it than the label that I was fighting against and struggling with during my journey, but one of the things that I remember being a threat at times was like, "If you don't do this or you don't do that, then it's just all gonna fall apart. You're not gonna have it. This is all gonna crumble. Everything that you have."

And I'm looking at it and going, "I don't want what I had. I want my future, I have an idea for something more." So the chorus, "As empires fall to pieces / Our ashes twisting in the air / It makes me smile to know that / I'm better without you," going like, "It's okay, go ahead. Let it burn down. Let the old idea of the tiny thing that you thought this could be go ahead and burn down because I have an idea for something bigger."

Can you explain the chorus of "Blind Belief," specifically the lines, "We hold the key to redemption / Let icons fall?"

This is another one that's a little bit in the political zone, or social. Why do we believe what we believe? Why do we do the things we do? Why are the laws that are in place, some of them aren't there for good reasons. Some things are just the way they are because they've always been that way.

And I think we've reached a time where we need to say, "That's not enough. We need to make changes that make sense for how much our world and our awareness has grown, and how we need to be better." We need to improve over time and not just leave things the way that they are.

I was actually writing those lyrics, being inspired by the Confederate statues coming down. We can still love our ancestors even if they made mistakes, and we can actually love them better, we can actually do better for our world. It doesn't have to be a betrayal if your grandparents thought differently than you.

We can only grow by moving forward and making better and better decisions as the generations go on. And if we want this place to get better, then we need to admit that things are wrong!

Saying "We hold the key to redemption" is saying you don't have to stand by something that's wrong. Go ahead and let icons fall! Just because something is the way it is and it's always been that way doesn't make it right. We should be asking those questions, and sometimes change is good. It's nothing to be afraid of.

To wrap up, of all of the topics that you cover on The Bitter Truth, what are you hoping at the end of the day that people will take away from this album as they sit with it?

I hope they feel empowered, I really do. I didn't go into this writing process feeling empowered, I started to feel that way through the process. It starts from feeling human, feeling vulnerable, feeling fragile and feeling broken.

But as I start to work, especially together with my friends, with people that support me and I support them, having a band is a really cool thing. Just having something to work on together last year and the year before, amidst the pain and the loss and the frustration, just made it so much better. It was such a healing thing for all of us, and I'm hoping that that same healing and empowered feeling can spread to those who listen to it. I really do.

Instead of just wallowing in grief, we found a way through the music to feel strength and inspiration and hope for something better in the future. I think, if there's a punchline, the biggest thing is that life is worth living.

I think that's something that people need to hear right now, because there has been so much to just feel sad about, so much to feel depressed and frustrated about and helpless, without a voice. Like, "It doesn't even matter what you do, I'm just one little drop in the bucket." But it's not true, that's a lie. We are strong, and change is happening.

And the greatest losses that we can imagine, we actually can overcome and there can still be good things left in life to experience, you just don't know what they are yet. If it can be empowering and spread hope to people, that's what I would most hope for.

#Amy Lee #Evanescence #2021 interviews

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imacrowcawcaw · 5 years ago

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Eyes of Juniper Ch. 1 (A Metallica Fic)

Ao3 Link

Author (as known on Various sites): Lady Lover- Rockfic, Luluthechoosingcrow - AO3, theladylovingcrow - Deviantart and Wattpad, @sammy_bluebells - Instagram, @imacrowcawcaw - main Tumblr, @insannywestan - Sanny shipping Tumblr Pairing: Lars Ulrich/James Hetfield, Kirk Hammett/Cliff Burton, Lars/Female Character (briefly), Lars/Male Character (kinda, more just awkward one sided flirting then Lars gets rescued by his knight in a ratty Motorhead shirt) Fandom: Metallica Tags/warnings: Sex-swap AU, early 80s era 'tallica, smut, gay smut, also het smut since the whole gender switch thing, drinking and alcohol, lots of cussing and profanity, should warn that Lars goes into detail about taking a piss cuz ya know it's new to him, Idk I'll add tags per chapter as I think of shit

Notes:

1. Okay, so I spent like months thinking about whether to do this or not. On the one hand, yes this has so much potential to be fun (and I've seen some other sex swap stories i like). On the other hand, a lot of the whole sex/Gender swap thing is really stereotypical gender shit and goes against what I personally believe. But, creative juices won out and I'll try to keep true to character as much as possible while also making this funny and not too misogynistic (if that's possible).

2. This is a work in progress! I started it a year and a half ago, and now a friend is helping me continue

3. This story is inspired by the song 'Jewel of the Summertime' by Audioslave (on their album Revelations) I love this song and it is awesome you should totally go listen to it.

4. The witch-lady is inspired by Aine, Celtic goddess of love, summer, wealth, and sovereignty. I literally just googled 'goddess of love' then scrolled through a list to find someone other than Aphrodite (don't get me wrong I love Greek mythology but it just wasn't right for this fic) and came across this girl. I only did a quick Wikipedia read, I'm not planning on going too heavy into her myth and more just using her for the plot but.... If anybody is more well versed in Celtic mythology and I seem to get something wrong, please feel free to comment and I'll try my best to make it accurate!

5. Woo damn that was a lot of stuff, I don't blame you if you didn't bother reading it. Now, on with the show!

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1984 (Lars' POV)

The first thing I felt when I woke up was this odd sense of.... well, just something being fuckin' off. Like I was missing something, but also like I had gained something? I felt like a brand-new person, although in my gut I was still me.... Man, I must have had WAY too much Jager last night, it's fucking with my head.

I slowly peeled the itchy fleece blanket off of my body and rolled onto the floor, which was about a foot from the bare mattress. We really needed to invest in some sheets, especially if we wanted to keep bringing chicks back to the house. Apparently, most girls are not at all impressed by stained, lumpy mattresses with almost no bedding on them.

Speaking of girls and mattresses, didn't I bring one home last night? I raised my head slightly from its position from the threadbare carpet and looked at the bed, trying to see if Anna (Was that her name?) was still there. Yep, there was a naked hippy still passed out in my bed, sweet!

I groaned quietly as I stood and shuffled my way out the door and down the hall to the bathroom. It was then I noticed that I didn't really have the usual alcohol-and-early-morning-and-piss induced erection, but my bladder was still straining. Huh, weird.

Whatever. I just wanted to pee, get rid of that feeling in my gut, and get that dead possum taste out of my mouth. Pushing open the door and wincing as the creaky hinges screeched through my headache, I pulled down my boxers and reached for my dick.... What the fuck?

WHAT THE FUCK?

WHERE WAS MY MOTHERFUCKIN DICK?!

Trying not to panic, I looked down, squeezing my eyes shut for a moment so I wouldn't have to see right away. But, of course, that kind of defeated the purpose of looking down, so I opened them again. No dick. The hell was going on?

Taking a deep, calming breath, I tried to think through this rationally. My dick, for whatever reason, was not where it was supposed to be. But, my bladder was still full and begging to be released, so obviously my system or whatever was still working. That need to pee was turning into a burning pain, so I tried to come up with a solution. If I don't have a cock, then I can piss through....what, exactly? Is there anything down there at all? What is even going on!?

Pulling in another deep breath through my nose, I let it hiss out between clenched teeth as I slowly, so slowly, touched my fingers to my abdomen and moved them downwards, dreading what I would find. Annnnnd....... Yep, there it was.

Velvety soft lips, slick, pungent juices; anatomy I knew so well but never, EVER expected to feel on myself. My crisis would have to wait a minute, though, 'cause my bladder was going to explode and no dick be damned I needed to do something about it.

Gingerly sitting my ass down on the toilet (god, so weird sitting down just to piss) I tried to slowly let it out. The feeling was...well there was certainly relief of the pressure, but it also felt strange in a way I couldn't really describe. I could possibly get used to it, not that I'm planning on staying like this or anything.

Cringing as I wiped, I slowly pulled the boxers back up to my hips that I just now noticed were a little wider than usual. And my hands, were they smaller? Softer? My chest too....HOLY SHIT I HAVE BOOBS! That, I might be able to get used to.

I turned to the mirror, and was quite shocked at what I saw. There was a girl standing there, with large, doe-like green eyes staring back at me from underneath brown bangs. She had a nice tan on her upper body, although her breasts were still pale where she clutched at them, small rosy nipples poking through her fingers. A pair of black cotton boxers stretched tight around the small curve of her hips, but hung loose around her milky thighs that almost touched. And this...this chick was me. ME.

Shaking my head, I splashed some water onto my face and rubbed my eyes, hoping it was just a fucked up dream. No such luck.

I was considering hiding in the bathroom forever, because no way in hell could I let the guys see me like this, let alone figure out how to explain, when I heard a scream. It sounded a lot like Kirk's voice, so I pushed my problems to the back of my head and ran into the hallway, stopping dead in my tracks at what I saw.

Anna, or whatever her name was, stood at the top of the stairs, dressed in flowing black robes with green Celtic designs all over them. She had jewels and charms hanging from her waist, wrists, neck, and ears, each tinkling as she tossed some sort of... Powder onto a very shocked looking Kirk. Or at least, I was pretty sure it was Kirk. He (she?) seemed to be in the same boat as me as far as bodies were concerned at the moment.

With a final dusting of powder, witchy-chick turned to me and smirked. "I hope you learn your lesson, I'll be back in a week. And as for you...." She turned to Kirk, "Well, you're just too damn cute! I couldn't resist seeing what a pretty girl you'd make!"

"This is your fault? You bitch! " I yelled. "Why the hell did you do this to us? Who are you? Change us back, then get the fuck out! I don't wanna be a damn girl, and neither does Kirk!" God this was fucking insane, that chick was crazy!

She hissed at me, eyes flashing in a way that could not be human. "Now you listen, GIRL. You'll stay like this for as long as I deem fit. You need to learn some respect for women, and being one is the best way to do that. I suppose you don't remember what you did last night?" She asked, looking bored and ready lo go fuck up someone else's life.

I thought hard, then it came creeping back to me. The bar, the Jager, the flirting with a group of girls, copping a feel and getting slapped, then her changing her mind and coming home with me, talking dirty in her ear, then unworldly sex, her whispering what sounded like a spell in my ear as I came... Holy shit.

"Is this about me grabbing your ass? I'm sorry! Please don't do this!" I begged, finally starting to let the situation sink in and desperation set. This could not be happening.

"Hmph," she snorted, "Begging isn't going to get you anywhere. I've seen humans beg for much less, and they still didn't get it. No, you'll love your life as a woman for a week, both of you, and hopefully you'll come to realize the struggles and terror that comes with it. If you've learned your lessons and are truly sorry, then you will be turned back. If not... Well you'll just have to stay like this until you do."

And just like that, she turned with a flourish and disappeared into thin air. My morning could not get any crazier, I was sure if it. But, because I wasn't actually sure and was suddenly doubting all logical occurrences in the world, I knocked on the wooden railing. That done, I turned towards Kirk.

He (seriously, do I call us he's or she's now? This is so fucked up) was shaking like a leaf, looking like he'd fall over any moment. I went over to grab him, calm him down, something.

"Shh shh, it's all right, Kirk," I muttered in his ear, awkwardly patting his back. I never thought I'd need to, but it really fucking sucks I can't comfort him any better than this. It was like this sour feeling in my chest that nestled in right next to my heart, whispering how awful I was at this and how he's probably mad at me for getting him into this situation.

Before I could ask him if he wanted to punt me out of a window, though, I heard some shuffling and talking coming from downstairs. James and Cliff were headed up here. As much as I wanted to hide for a week until my fuckin' "lesson" was up, I couldn't exactly drag Kirk into the hall closet in his current state, so I stood my ground.

"Hey, ladies, we do appreciate the service you've done our ugly ass friends, but could you keep the cat fight down until you've left the house?"

Ah, James, the man still didn't know how to talk to women after all this time. He was either too shy to form a sentence, or he put on this macho bravado that turned him into a drink asshole. Either way, this lady was not pleased.

By now I guess the guys had reached the landing Kirk and I were at and saw me hugging him, because Cliff chimed in, "Aww, they've made up! Good! Now, can I ask what exactly you two were telling about so loudly that it woke me and my boy James up? Did Lars do something?"

My back straightened at that, and I turned my head to him indignantly. "I did fucking not!" I retorted, even though apparently this whole situation was my fault. No need for them to know that, though.

"Holy shit, Lars!?!" James screamed.

I sighed. "Hi, Jamie."

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Chapter 2

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totallyvain · 4 years ago

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Vanity Hour: Meet the FRITOGANG

Words by Thania Garcia

Photo by Gabby Arvelo

Hometown: San Antonio, Texas

Sounds like: A party in your grandma’s basement

FRITOGANG is a music collective made up of nine 20-somethings making a blend of sounds sincerely theirs. There’s Adriel, Dubb & Speck (brothers), Marco, Malcolm, Niko, Kue, Tonsoul, and Levi.

The idea of a team this large is always interesting. First it indicates shared understanding of friendship and business, so that the group’s success relies on a common sacrifice. As musicians it also means working through differences, learning from one another and inevitably growing faster together.

Adriel: With all the different inputs that everybody has…you can see and hear how it all comes together. That is what makes FRITOGANG what it is. I may sound cocky but FRITOGANG has its own sound, we can’t compare it to other people…it’s like an adjective for the music-making process, we sound like FRITOGANG.

It’s the individuality of every member involved that makes this team so dynamic both in friendship and in music.

Speck: It happened a lot of different ways. Me and my brother Dubb, we started making music with Kue and Niko and one of our other homies…we conceptualized FRITOGANG because at the time no one was really f*****g with what was going on…we felt like Fritos…

At this point the zoom call erupts with laughter and I eventually learn the story of the FRITOGANG name. I am calling it the Fritos Philosophy which is really just an analogy to the popular chip brand’s underdog qualities. No one was listening to the music when it was initially released but that all changed when the group released their 2018 album “Are You Even Listening?” on Spotify.

Speck: We had some stuff on Soundcloud and we were uploading there mainly but we used ‘Are You Even Listening?’ to test the transition onto the streaming on [Spotify] and that was a good move for us. The Soundcloud market was kind of dying down. Coming off the platform and onto the Spotify algorithm really does help because it puts our music in front of a lot of people and Soundcloud doesn’t necessarily do that in the same way. From that moment, I started noticing a steady climb on our monthly listeners. People find us and stay and keep listening, which is what you want as an artist. For them to be invested and continue coming back and listening to you.

Totally Vain: Is that when most of you noticed a shift in terms of numbers?

Levi: For me…it was packing out local shows

Buzzing in agreement, the group starts to reminisce on that idea.

Adriel: To see that we could sell out shows in our city and like people knowing all the words and showing up early, that was when I realized we could make that happen in any city, so it was just about getting the music out there and once people gravitate towards the music…we know what we can do.

Levi: We actually planned a tour and had to cancel it...the thing is I feel like we do have a lot of online love but the people…well from what I’ve heard is that the people love to come watch us perform because we throw our own shows. We love to interact with the crowd and that experience was something that we haven’t had with the fans this year and us missing that tour was …man f**k corona…

The pandemic has been an incredibly devastating roadblock on various levels and all over the world. The music industry (much like any industry) is bending and shifting into uncomfortable positions in attempts to find new and innovative ways to combat the blow. When I ask how it effects the group as up-and-comers, the tone of the conversation shifts to anticipation.

Adriel: The shows started to become something that we could be inspired by and look forward too. They were bonding experiences for all of us, performing together. Even doing Instagram lives are really cool experiences although they aren’t the same it gave us a taste of how it was and how we will hopefully get through it.

A couple of weeks ago, FRITOGANG released their fourth album on Spotify called “GOTTA KEEP MY PEOPLE CLOSE,” an accurate reflection of the group’s roots.

Speck: We just kept at it, making music in the city and meeting people. We met Levi through somebody we were making music with and then Levi introduced us to Tonsoul. Adriel and Mike…I had seen them perform a couple of times and we ended up linking, making music. My brother Dubb heard Malcolm rap on Twitter.

Levi: It’s not difficult when everybody’s friends. We can sit in the crib together and not make music, but it comes naturally.

TV: What are we thinking about in terms of label relations? Is that something you guys think or talk about, signing a deal together?

Adriel: The goal is to get there on our own and as a team. We also have people that are getting our music out to more places and we like the idea of that and how that’s been working for us up until now.

Levi: It’s people like you who actually like the music and reach out to us and they want to know more. We like that process and the difference is...if we ask for it, it won’t be as interesting and real.

TV: When I was first digging through your music and content, I noticed you guys had quite a few music videos. How important is the visual aspect of your music for you guys?

Levi: It’s important to have a good amount of videos but also a good amount of good videos. We are nine whole people and it’s easier to know us and our personalities as individual artists through visual scenes and these music videos where we are “acting,” it’s a good doorway into our personalities.

TV: In terms of inspiration either visually or musically, what kind of stuff were you consuming when you were creating “GOTTA KEEP MY PEOPLE CLOSE”?

Levi: It’s hard to pick one type of music since we all pull from different places, but I was listening to old 90s R&B and then to some indie stuff like Winona Forever. It comes from everywhere…

Malcolm: Some songs get made at different times and we’ll kind of just put them together because we do end up making a lot of music.

Levi: We try to make timeless music because we like to have a full vault.

TV: What advice would you have for other local artists looking to expand their fanbase?

Tonsoul: I would tell them to do what they want do and to stop giving a f*** about what’ s hot right now and put themselves in the music so people can love the art for what it is…which is really a piece of themselves.

Levi: Don’t make music with an audience in mind.

You can listen to “GOTTA KEEP MY PEOPLE CLOSE” on Apple Music and Spotify now. You can also listen to the FRITOGANG curated playlist on Totally Vain’s Spotify.

Make sure to follow us on Instagram to keep up with our latest coverage!

#vanityhour #totallyvain #r&b #r&b playlist #fritogang #musicjournalism #journalism #interview #music #SOUL #gospel

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blurry-fics · 5 years ago

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Chapter Four

Prove Me Wrong | Series Masterlist

Warnings: Self-doubt

Word Count: 1847

Author’s Note: I have nothing interesting to say yet again, so enjoy the chapter! (Also if this post is later in the day than usual, I apologize! My sleep pattern has gotten totally thrown off and I’m sleeping in late every day :/)

“No, that’s bad.”

I ripped the page out of my notebook and crumpled it up in my hand before adding it to the growing pile of paper at the side of my keyboard. My entire morning had been spent trying countless melodies and lyrics and I still had nothing good to show for it.

“It’s all bad,” I mumbled. “I can’t create anything good.”

I leaned forward and buried my face in my hands. There had to be something in decent in my head, buried under all the terrible ideas.

“Come on.”

I moved my hands to the back my head and twirled my fingers in my hair. There had to be something. Anything.

Nope. Nothing.

I grabbed my phone and dialed Y/N, hoping that she would pick up. She would be able to stop me from this downward spiral. Y/N was good at that.

“Hello?”

“Hi. What are you doing right now?”

“I’m with Carter. What’s going on?”

“I was just wondering if you could come over. I’ve been trying to write all morning but I’m stuck and I don’t really want to be alone right now.”

“Yeah, I’ll be over as soon as I can.”

“Thanks.”

“Take care of yourself, Ty.”

I hung up the call and set my phone down on my keyboard. Now all I had to do was keep myself busy until Y/N showed up. She didn’t live far, but I had called on short notice so she would have to get all her things together, which wasn’t exactly one of her strong suits. Y/N always liked to be over-prepared for everything.

I cleaned up the pile of papers and tossed them into the recycling bin, just so there wouldn’t be a mess when she showed up. There were a couple other things lying around - mostly wrappers and a plate that I had been too lazy to get up and put away the night before - so I decided to clean those up too. Y/N had seen the apartment in worse states, but it was always nice to make a little effort for her.

Y/N showed up about ten minutes after I had called her. Cleaning had helped me a little, but self-doubt was still swirling around my mind. I was thankful that she was willing to come over and help me.

“Hey, Ty,” she smiled as I opened the door.

“Hey.”

She stepped inside and set her stuff by the door, wasting no time in kicking her shoes off next to it. I shuffled back towards the couch and got settled on one end of it, leaving plenty of room for Y/N to sit next to me.

“Do you mind if I grab something to drink?” she asked. “I jogged up the stairs.”

“Help yourself.”

Y/N rummaged around in the fridge for a moment before taking a seat on the couch with two drinks in her hands. She handed one of them to me.

“I’m not thirsty.”

“Come on, Ty. It will make you feel a little better.”

She wasn’t wrong. With a shrug, I grabbed the can from her and popped the top open before taking a long drink. I had to admit, even that small gesture had already lifted my spirits a bit.

“So what’s going on with you?” she asked as she popped open her own drink.

“It’s all this songwriting stuff. I’ve been trying all morning to just get something down but I end up hating everything.”

“You just finished an album, you know. It’s ok to take a break.”

I slowly shook my head, “There’s always the next album.”

“Do you have any of the stuff that you wrote today?”

“I tossed all of it.”

“What, in the recycling?”

“Yeah.”

Y/N set her drink down and walked into the kitchen. When she returned, she was holding the crumpled pages in the bottom of her shirt like a little basket.

“There were too many for my hands,” she laughed, letting them all fall onto the couch.

She took a seat behind all the crumpled pages. I didn’t even want to look at them, but Y/N slowly began to smooth them out so they were sitting in a neat stack. Once they were all laid out, she began to flip through them. Her lips moved a little as she read over the words.

She looked up at me, “Why do you hate these? These are really good, Tyler.”

“They’re not.”

“They are! This line right here, ‘The sun will rise and we will try again’, that’s really good! That resonates with people.”

“You don’t think it’s dumb?”

“No. Do you know how many people need to hear that?”

“Too bad not that many people will.”

She set the pages down on the coffee table and scooted closer to me.

“The only way that people aren’t going to hear your lyrics is if you keep tossing them in the recycling bin instead of using something. Haven’t you said yourself that you need to push through the droughts?”

“Hey, don’t use my words against me,” I smiled, finally looking up to meet her eyes.

“Sometimes you have to follow your own advice.”

“I hate when you’re right.”

She reached out and patted my shoulder, “You’ll get over it.”

Y/N had a point, even if I didn’t want her to. Sometimes I didn’t know what I would do without her, besides just not knowing what to buy at the grocery store. She had been my support system since day one. It was like she always knew exactly what to say to make me feel better, no matter what had me in my head.

“So are you going to keep these? Because if you don’t, then I will.”

I reached a hand out and Y/N passed the pages to me. Upon second glance, some of the stuff that I had come up with did seem usable.

“I think I’ll keep them. Thanks for digging these out of the recycling for me.”

“It was the least I could do, although you may want to take that out soon, Ty. It’s beginning to overflow,” she giggled.

I folded up the pages and stuck them in my music folder with all the other half-finished songs. Who knows, maybe they would come in handy someday.

“Alright, now let’s do something to give your brain a break. What do you think we should do?”

“Um, go on a walk?” I suggested.

“Perfect. Let’s go.”

Y/N wasted no time in getting off the couch and pulling her shoes on. I, on the other hand, took a little longer to find my beat-up Vans and pull them on. She was waiting by the door when I finally emerged from my room.

“Ready?”

“Yeah.”

I grabbed my keys from beside the door and together the two of us headed down the stairs and out onto the street. There was a park not too far from where I lived, so we headed that way.

“How’s school going?” I asked, hoping to keep the conversation off of me for awhile.

“Fine,” she shrugged. “The term is ending soon which means there’s a lot of studying to do and then I get a whole new batch of classes.”

“Are you excited?”

“I mean, as excited as you can be for school.”

“Yeah, that makes sense.”

Y/N pulled the sleeves on her sweatshirt down over her hands. It was a bit cold today, as it often was in mid-March, but the sun was still shining.

“Um, so about earlier-” I started.

“Hey, we’re not talking about that right now, remember?”

“It’s not about the music. I promise.”

“Ok.”

“I just wanted to say thank you for being so willing to come over and spend time with me, especially since you were with your brother. It means a lot to me.”

Y/N walked a little closer to me so that she could gently bump her shoulder with mine, “I’m always going to be here for you, Ty. You know I would do anything.”

“Yeah, well, I’m still going to thank you for it every time. Not a lot of people would do that kind of thing for their friends.”

Friends. Why had I chosen that word?

“Right,” she smiled, stepping away from me again. “I know you would do the same for me, should the situation arise.”

“Of course.”

Y/N nodded and idly kicked at a rock on the sidewalk. Her shoe scuffed against the pavement.

“What are your plans for the next week?” I asked.

She laughed. It sounded nice.

“You mean besides studying? Probably spending time with Carter. Spending time with you. Oh, and I have a lunch with my grandparents on Saturday. Other than that, just try not to completely break down before finals week.”

“If you ever need a study break, you know who to call,” I said, hoping it would cheer her up.

“I’m sure you’ll be getting a call every night.”

“I don’t mind.”

Y/N turned to me and raised an eyebrow. I simply smiled at her before turning to look at the pavement.

* * *

We ended up walking through the park for close to an hour, enjoying the bits of sunshine and just talking about things that had been on our minds lately. Y/N talked about school and she finally let me talk about music a little more. It was a nice opportunity to get some things off my chest that I had been bottling up for awhile.

“I should probably get going,” Y/N announced as we reached my building. “My mom is working late again tonight and there’s no way Carter is going to be able to make himself dinner.”

“Sounds like an exciting night for you,” I smiled.

“Oh yeah, I love taking care of my older brother. You would think that by 22 he would have a better idea of how to do basic tasks.”

“Who knows? At the rate I’m going, I’ll be the same way.”

Y/N sighed, “Not if I can help it.”

“Ok, well, drive safe.”

I held my arms out and Y/N happily accepted my hug. She held onto me tightly, swaying me ever so slightly as she did so.

“Take care of yourself, Ty. And call me if something else comes up.”

“I will, I promise.”

She pulled away from the hug, gave me one final smile, and started to walk off to where she had parked her car. I waited until she had rounded the corner before I walked into the building and headed up to my apartment.

It was hard to believe that I had gotten lucky enough to have someone like Y/N in my life. Ever since we had first met when we were freshmen, we had basically been inseparable. Sometimes I wondered what it would be like if we were dating. Her feelings for me were already there, the only issue was that I didn’t feel the same about her.

Well... maybe that wasn’t entirely accurate.

* * * * *

Taglist

@faceofcontvsions @ohprettyweeper @spookyjiimfanfiction @addictoftwentyone @svintsandghosts @gaiatheroyalrabbit @iamnotawasteofspace @patdsinner33 @merandlune @addictwithaheavydirtycheetah @schrodingersjustine @ccfffee @frappeitea @gayy-pilotss @coolcxt @donttellaweirdweakling @a-stumpsexuals-world @5secondsofmoxley @breadbinishigh @sinfulmango

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promisenolies · 6 years ago

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So... I never want to forget what BTS Chicago Night One was like... the pictures and video will help that I got.. but I wanted more. Something concrete...so I wrote this:

I have sincere doubts that I’ll ever be able to accurately describe what going to BTS’s Speak Yourself show in Chicago on May 11, 2019 meant to me. Part of being able to convey why it was such a life-altering experience for me would include y’all having an understanding as to why I love these guys so much, what their music, and general existence means to me. And that, is a task that is beyond my capabilities…but I’ll try.

I didn’t know what I was missing. I shrugged my daughter off when she’d try to tell me about them or get me to listen to their music. I didn’t understand why anyone would listen to music outside of their native language. How do you even enjoy it? But then…in July…I heard Fake Love on the radio while on my way to a Hanson String Theory show. Something about it called to me. I jumped in and started reading lyrics (as the message is always my number one concern—after having a good groove/sound) …and I fell in love. –Do you know how hard it is to find a great beat and fat bass WITHOUT sexually degrading lyrics? Damn near impossible until BTS for me. Instead of ‘bitches, hos, money, drugs, and pimping’ they’re singing about chasing dreams, rejecting status quo, finding home with those you love and who love you, about love, relationships, and connection. They sing a wide range—pop, pop/rock, rap, hip-hop…it keeps my many moods quite satisfied. Their music fully transcends language. You can just FEEL it, so deeply, so wholly, you don’t need to know every last word to get the message.

Then, I fell in love with THEM. I fell in love with their message of loving ourselves, speaking our truths, of not trying to meet anyone else’s expectations, to do what makes YOU happy. They are so engaged, humble, gracious, and kind. They’re funny and dorky. They’re reflective and intellectual. They’re driven and talented.

Yes, they’re a “boy band.” Yes, they dance and wear ‘costumes.’ But these boys also write and produce their own stuff (with others as well…but still—active participants!) and always sing live. They give 110% for a minimum of two hours-even to the point of getting sick/passing out/injuring themselves.

And the fan base!! Holy mother! Sure I feel a little isolated here in small town MN in my love for these boys (aside from my kid, my cousin’s kid, and a few friends of theirs) but the fan base is MASSIVE. And incredibly welcoming (for the most part). There’s drama of course—I mean, there are at least 20 million of us. But it’s pretty easy to stay out of and find people to connect with. It’s one thing to know there’s a network of us online… it’s a completely different thing to experience it.

Which, I guess, brings me to this past weekend. After a roughly 8 hour drive, we arrived in Chicago. Right away, the streets were sprinkled with ARMIES—BTS and BT21 gear proudly worn and displayed. A sense of belonging and home seeped in. And that’s not a new sensation for me, as I’ve felt that every time I went to Tulsa, or Back To The Island or any other Hanson event/show. It’s a beautiful feeling. We got checked in and decided to head to Soldier Field as the merch lines were already open and apparently essentially non-existent. The field area had a small number of ARMY milling about, nothing too crazy. We stopped and took a picture of a few BTS banners, then found the merch area. And yeah, after less than a half hour later we were at the front of the line, mostly certain of our merch choices. I pretty much wanted it all, but had to limit myself. We wandered a bit more, and that’s when it finally started to sink in…I was in the same city as seven men who had altered my emotional well being over the last 10-11 months, I would be seeing them LIVE in around 12 hours. I was quickly overwhelmed and started to cry. It feels somewhat embarrassing to say, and I don’t even fully understand what it was that overwhelmed me so much. The rest of the evening was pretty chill—grabbed some dinner and mentally tried to prepare ourselves for the next day.

The next day we went back down to Soldier field—equipped with layers and an umbrella because the weather was turning cold and rainy. When we arrived we knew we made the right call by going to get merch the afternoon before because the merch line was RIDICULOUS – we’re talking thousands of people in line. There were multiple merch locations—all with the same size lines! But we wanted to get pictures done at the BTS Studio – a very neat little booth where you get to “interact” with one of the guys via a sort of hologram like thing, but the pictures turn out so freaking legit I was dying to get one. ….however….BigHit/Mattel (I don’t know who made this call..but!) cut off the general line after we waited for two hours. There were at least a couple hundred more behind us waiting, as well as about a hundred in front of us, and there were five hours left before doors opened to the stadium so it literally made ZERO sense to cut the line. BTS SOLD OUT Soldier Field (roughly 70,000 seats) and they only allowed 250 general people into the studio (there were more QR holders—which tons of ARMY tried for an only a few got) … it was a disaster. I suppose I would have been less angry had it not been so ungodly COLD out. We certainly did not plan for 40 degree weather in MAY.

We decided to hop an Uber and go back to the hotel until showtime. After lunch we drove downtown to check out the BTS Pop-up Store situation, and then made a quick decision to avoid that line as it literally wrapped around an entire downtown Chicago city block – INSANE—but beautiful. So, back to the hotel. The weather was not clearing up, and I was starting to worry about the show—both for our comfort but also and more importantly the guys’ safety. Wet stages are slippery and these boys don’t hold back, the risk of injury was high. So, we joked and tweeted a bit about how Yoongi (Suga) needed to say out loud that he wanted the rain to stop and skies to clear because anything Yoongi says out loud tends to happen – saying he wanted BTS to win daesangs (Korean absolute top awards – they now have 15 from 2016 to 2018) saying he wanted to go to the Grammys (and they presented at this year’s Grammy Awards) saying he wanted Billboard top 200 (done) Billboard top 100 (done) A Billboard Music Award (done x4 – three top social artist and this years top group award). So we called on Yoongi to say he didn’t want the rain… and while the boys may have said it was the power of ARMY that cleared the skies I still say it was Yoongi.

When we got into the venue another rush of realization hit me when I saw how CLOSE to the stage we were. I may have missed out on the VIP tickets (thanks to the stupid ticketmaster app freezing on my phone) but level 100 was INCREDIBLE. Absolutely astounding really. We got our ARMY Bombs paired to our seats and then waited. They play music videos while we wait, and it was amusing to have fans scream for those as well – and indicative of how insane it was going to be once all the fans were in and seated because it was loud even with just around a few thousand inside. My brain still couldn’t quite comprehend that I was about to see BTS live, that I was as close as I was, and that it wasn’t a dream.

The thing about it is…once it started, I had no idea what to do. Do I watch the stage, do I watch the screen, do I not try to capture any video or pictures and just dance, sing, and scream? I tried to do all of those options, but I still feel like I missed so much. I feel like it all went so quickly.

They opened with DIONYSUS – from their new album Map of the Soul: Persona. A heavy hitting, party-anthem type song. A great opener to get the crowd hyped up (as if we needed the help) The pyrotechnics warmed it up a bit when they went off (holy shit we really were close!) The stage was amazing! Large silver leopards behind them, Greek pillars adorning the sides…totally fitting of Dionysus.

They transitioned straight into NOT TODAY—another heavy hitter for bass, power, and intense choreo. Theses guys BURST into their stage presence, taking no prisoners and leaving us all breathless and trembling. The sensation of hearing tens of thousands of other fans screaming with you, singing with you, and doing fan chants for the guys…well, that’s a feeling I’ve never felt before.

My first round of tears started when they did their introductions/welcome speeches. Let’s be honest, I’m Jimin biased through and through. He will always hold the biggest part of my heart out of the seven. And, honestly, I thought he was the most beautiful being I’d ever seen…but to see him in person…holy mother, there is no comparing it. He’s absolutely ethereal. An angel just walking among us. But each of their moments touched me, made me smile or laugh or just bask in the feel of love they send to us. And then…WINGS. I was so excited to know that they were performing Wings as it’s one of my favorite songs and I worried I’d never hear it live since it’s an older one. My teary-eyed state did not go away once they started it, even though it’s an upbeat song. There’s just something about BTS singing about facing fears and chasing dreams, having their wings spread and taking them to where they want to go…feeling that it was the work of ARMY helping them get there…but I know for a fact that ARMY also feel that BTS are our wings too—the way we feel encouraged and empowered to live authentically and without apology, to chase dreams and find our passions.

A small break and then we got J-Hope’s solo JUST DANCE Hobi is a great entertainer, clearly loves the stage and his passion for dance is legitimately felt through the entire stadium. After J-Hope we got an iconic performance of EUPHORIA by Jungkook. Kookie is stunning! Absolutely beautiful. He goes from adorable baby bunny to professional rockstar in half a second. His vocals are solid and his choreo locked down. But who thought up the crazy idea of hanging onto a giant hook-like-thing and just soaring over the crowd on a cable!? My mama bear heart struggled with that, fam. But he did great and seems to really enjoy it so we’ll let it pass.

BEST OF ME!! Ugh, another song I was DESPERATE to hear live and worried I never would. A stellar performance! The energy was still high with them and us, everyone singing along and dancing. So many of their songs are “one of my favorites” but this one definitely is. And I was GIDDY hearing it live. And yes, the answer call between Jimin and Jungkook was a highlight.

Clear the stage, play a quick video… and then… SERENDIPITY. This experience STILL feels like it didn’t happen. Jimin singing live… wow… just… I lack words to express Jimin and his performance. His choreography is always some of the most intricate and demanding and yet he does it flawlessly while maintaining his angelic vocals. He didn’t get the title main dancer by chance. The level of professionalism is incredible. You can tell he feels so loved by ARMY, his smile is so genuine and gracious as he’s absorbing all our cheering and screaming…and yeah, maybe a little bit of sobbing. He’s a soft, sweet person and an absolute powerhouse on stage—even with a ballad such as Serendipity.

And then RM brings us back up in energy with his solo LOVE. They’re all great performers, and RM is no exception. It’s hard to capture a good picture of him because he’s constantly moving on the stage, making rounds to every corner. Another beautiful moment to be chanting “salam salam salam (person person person) and salang salang salang (love love love)” with tens of thousands of fans… it’s quite overwhelming.

BOY WITH LUV is like a blur for me. They all looked AMAZING. I loved the mix of pink and blue clothing. I probably missed a ton of moments through that song because my brain short circuited, I tried to get some pictures but the movement is so constant that not many of them turned out. Strong vocals, a ton of fun together, an all around great performance.

From the newest to some old school – DOPE followed Boy With Luv. I love the energy and power in Dope. I also loved the cute little moment I got on video between Jimin and Jungkook. Dope blended into BAEPSAE and FIRE … this medley is INSANE. I LOVE watching the guys freestyle their dancing and then effortlessly joining formation and nailing the song’s choreography. It’s stupidly impressive. JHope jumped out and attacked us all with some power dancing and then the dreaded/desired hip thrusting.

I got absolutely zero pictures or video from IDOL because I was so enraptured by them on stage. I couldn’t take my eyes off them. It was pretty neat as Idol faded out, they went back to the top of the stage then went full in to the Idol choreography again. Like a second dance break when it appeared the song was over. Another small break and then Tae (V) comes out in pajamas on a freaking bed. The crowd lost their minds. It was a stunning performance of SINGULARITY, and I’m really hoping I can find video of the small dance break he has in it where he flung off the jacket. Sometimes Tae fades a little into the background but this performance wasn’t one of those times.

After Singularity we got a seamless transition into FAKE LOVE—another song I have zero pics or video from because the whole thing was an experience. Seriously. Damn. From the strong, solid vocals to the hard hitting, precise choreo, to the passionate fan chants…Fake Love was perfection. …And do I really need to mention Jungkook’s abs? Oofta. I was utterly enraptured by this performance. Also, since Fake Love was the comeback I came into the fandom during, it holds a unique place in my heart.

I don’t remember Fake Love ending, but I do remember the next song starting. SEESAW. Shit. Again, I shall remind you that Jimin is by bias—always has been always will be. But I’d be a bold-faced LIAR if I tried to say that Yoongi isn’t the most amazing performer I’ve ever seen. They are all phenomenal. But Yoongi has something extra. Something you don’t expect from him. He often flies a little under the radar, not often the highlight of red-carpet appearances or interviews, fairly soft-spoken. But when he hits the stage—watch out! Min Yoongi was BORN to be on stage. Even with a softer song, and less intense choreography Suga owns it. He commands all attention. He’s claimed in the past that he can’t “sing”, since he’s a rapper, but Seesaw (and First Love—his solo from Wings) prove otherwise. Gorgeous. I was speechless, and a bit teary watching him.

And if I wasn’t already an emotional mess by then, Jin gets the stage to perform EPIPHANY. Oh my heart!! This was a song that when I first heard it, my heart and soul KNEW it was intense and it touched me instantly. And then, when I listened again with subs/lyrics I had a little bit of an emotional breakdown. Epiphany live was like the first time all over again. And to be surrounded by tens of thousands of other fans singing “I’m the one I should love…” Well, cue me crying. A message of needing to love yourself before being able to find love with anyone else…well that’s a message we all need to take to heart. A stellar performance. An emotional experience.

But then! Then you know what they did!? When we’re already emotional hot messes? They go into THE TRUTH UNTOLD. Whhyyyy!? Why would you do that to us!? The Truth Untold is a transcendent song, no way around it. A song about feelings of inadequacy, of being rejected if people knew who we really were, hiding behind masks because we’re so afraid… God, just rip out my heart. And our dear vocal line (Jimin, Jungkook, Jin, and Tae) were so lovely and beautiful and somber. The song has no choreo, no fancy stages… just four guys singing their absolute hearts out.

Cue the rap line (Suga, RM, and JHope) coming to pull us from our emotional state with OUTRO: TEAR. Oh lord, as it started there was a woman the row behind us who asked her friend, “what song is this?” and her friend was so offended! She screamed, “Tear, bitch!” It was slightly hilarious. All three rappers dominate the stage, and having never been to a live rap show before, I gotta say the ability to maintain the flow at the speed they do is impressive. TEAR flowed into MIC DROP and ooooooh how I lost my mind! MIC DROP was the song that really got me to jump into the BTS scene head first. It’s always been a favorite, will always be a favorite. I tried to get video, but I couldn’t stop dancing so it’s pretty bad video. (also, no one wants to hear my horrible voice fan chanting and singing along) The choreography to MIC DROP kills me. The choreo (and the song itself) just screams “we’re badass and we have no apologies” so get on board or get the hell out.

A small pause so that they could set up the guys’ giant Anpanman bounce house! ANPANMAN has always been a fun song and a great live performance, but it hit a new level when you get to watch the guys play on a giant bounce house. It’s easy to forget how young they all are and how much of their youth they kind of missed out on as they chased this dream. I mean, Jungkookie is only 21 now, was 15 when they debuted. Jin, the oldest is only 26 and was 20 at debut. They lost a lot of freedom and playful years as they trained for debut. It’s freaking adorable to watch them play on stage. Even cuter when Yoongi goes from savage rapper in MIC DROP to soft and playful on the inflatable. Jungkook chased Jimin to the top, did a little dance and then they slid down (JK after Jimin though I think he had wanted to go down together)

Anpanman transitions into SO WHAT which is truly a sight to see. No set choreo, just the guys dancing along every last inch of the stage to spread their love to everyone in the stadium. Playful moments, a lot of laughter. It’s BTS being authentically them. And I love it.

We all got a bit emotional during the closing speeches. Jin being classic Jin and screaming AARRRMMMYYYY at us, “today is so cold, you know…thank you for coming out today even though it’s cold and rainy, I’d like to hug you with my warm heart” (and he hugs JK) “I actually really hate being cold, I was so happy though because I was with you, Army. I LOVE YOU ARMY!!” Jimin showing us how floored he was by our presence, soaking in our cheers—eyes wide and smile bright. “I’m so so happy today. But! I hope you guys don’t catch a cold.” He then essentially points a finger at us, daring our immune systems to go against his wishes. (the screams overtake the next part of his speech so I’m not positive as to what he said) Jimin always finishes with “I love you” and lots of hearts. Jungkook and his adorable bunny smile, acted shy when it was his turn. He starts with “…It’s been awhile. I know it’s was rainy and cold, rainy and chilly…but you warmed my heart. I hope you also felt warm energy from us. One more thing, please, don’t catch a cold. Alright? See you all again!” Suga – commanding the stage once again. “Chicago make some noise! I heard it’s actually really cold in Chicago but I didn’t know it was going to be this cold. But because of you Army, you guys melted this place. Chicago make some noise! Today’s going to be such an unforgettable day. Thank you so much for coming out today, see you tomorrow!” JHope: “My lovely Chicago!! Did we have fun today? Since it was raining hard, and cold, I was worried for you all. However, as I was watching all of you, having fun, with your smiles on your face, my worries disappeared and I gained my power back. Army, you guys are my hope, you’re my hope, thank you so much Army Chicago, see you tomorrow.” Tae: “How you feeling Chicago? Make some noise. A few days ago I had a dream about chasing some stars and this scenery was exactly my dream. I really wanted to chase and make sure to grab a star. I want to keep this scenery forever (Tae fooled me and I thought his speech was over so my video stopped)…ssshhhh…we will come again next year!” RM: (gets bundled up by Tae, fans chant KIM NAMJOON) “My parents are gonna love this.” (in response to the chanting) “Guys, welcome to the first BTS winter concert. You might catch a cold, it’s freezing but whatever, it’s special right!? It’s fresh. It’s Chicago. Is the weather a serious problem for us? So right before we get onto the stage, like during the sound check, um while we were coming to the stage it was raining a lot and like these friends and every staff were so worried that it was raining and maybe we might do the little dance not very good, so we were worried, but I told them ‘don’t worry Chicago army is going to stop the rain.’ And you guys did! Seriously you guys gave us a miracle and I love this special weather in Chicago. So when the snow comes in Korea I’ll definitely think of Chicago. …”

And then they came right for my heart and soul performing MAKE IT RIGHT and MIKROKOSMOS. Two of my absolute favorite songs off the new album. Sweet, personal, emotional. And the realization that this euphoric experience was coming to an end and I started to lose my composure during MIKROKOSMOS. “Shine, dream, smile” …always for you boys, always for you.

It was around this time that Jimin stood at the corner of the stage facing my section and started to blow kisses. And I teared up because somehow, in a crowd of thousands of people the way Jimin sends his love into the crowd every last one of us feels like the ONLY one of us at that moment in time. You just FEEL the pure love emanating from him...and it’s a feeling unlike any other. A feeling I’ll never forget.

I still don’t think, almost 4000 words later, that I’ve even scrapped the surface of how incredible that night was for me. How touched I was not just by the band, but by being surrounded by thousands upon thousands of people of all ages, races, nationalities, sexual orientations, classes, genders who love them just as much as I do. BTS is so much more than seven beautiful men who dance well. BTS is connection and love. BTS is inspiration and encouragement. BTS isn’t a phase, they’re making an impact far beyond what anyone imagined. Music with a message? It’s been far too long since we’ve had that. BTS is like a long drink of fresh water after being stranded in a desert.

BTS – Seven lights in an otherwise dreary and sad world, reminding us to find our own lights and share it with the world.

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samplays · 5 years ago

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"Hey y’all, Sam here. Hope you’re all havin’ an awesome day. Today we’re gonna sit here so y’all can get to know me on a deeper level by learning 30 facts about myself. I’m surprised I could even come up with that many, so I hope it’s worth it. Okay, here we go!”

I’m named after my dad. Samuel Dwight Evans, my dad’s name is Dwight... yeah, you know how names work.

I’m totally a night owl. It takes me forever to get up in the morning. I have to set tons of alarms, I’m super cranky for a while... it’s a mess.

I’m really into space and have been since I was a kid. I love looking at the starts, finding the planets, all that stuff.

I love milkshakes. Chocolate milkshakes are literally my kryptonite.

I’m left handed.

I was diagnosed with dyslexia when I was in third grade. Took ‘em a little while to figure out why I wasn’t anywhere near the same level as anybody else, I guess. A lot of the stuff that was hard for me as a kid is a lot easier as an adult so it doesn’t get in the way as much as it did then, so. Yeah.

I collect comic books, surprising absolutely no one.

Also surprising no one: Steve Rogers is my all time favorite character.

And in case you’ve been living under a rock, one more unsurprising fact: my husky Roger is, in fact, named after Steve Rogers. He’s also my best buddy.

My room can get a little messy but I’ve actually gotten way better at keeping stuff organized the older I’ve gotten. I guess when you actually have to be serious and work on stuff and know where things are, it sorta becomes a necessity.

I could probably live on the beach. I never get tired of it.

I try to be like fifteen minutes early to everything.

I make a pretty mean cocktail. If you’re ever lookin’ for a good Old Fashioned, I’m your guy.

I’m 6 feet tall, which...I guess this is technically not a fun fact about me, but means I’m the same height as my younger brother. Still my little brother though.

I was the quarterback in high school. I still like football a lot but haven’t had a chance to play since back then.

We did a lot of outdoorsy stuff as a family. Like camping and hiking and all that. I’m still really into that stuff and like doing it with other people, so I think that definitely had a huge impact on me.

I want to learn how to play piano. I think it’d be fun.

I can speak...at least a little bit of two fictional languages. Na’vi and Klingon. And they said I didn’t make good use of my time when I was in school. Psh.

I really want kids someday. Like, not right now or anything, but the way my family’s always been made me want that for myself, for sure.

I grew up in Nashville and it was the best. I think about going back there a lot.

I actually like going to the dentist, which I know sounds super weird, but it’s never really been unpleasant for me and I get super pumped about getting a free toothbrush.

I used to be a boy scout. I kind of hated it.

I had a phase when I was younger where I wanted to be a vet when I grew up ‘cause I’ve always loved animals so much. I think I wanted to be one of those ones who does like house calls so I could tend to farm animals and all that too. Then I realized that takes a lot more school than I originally thought, so that was outta the question.

If we don’t count any Marvel or Star Wars, I’d say some of my favorite movies are probably The Shining, Shawshank Redemption, Back to the Future... also a big fan of Grease, and obviously Shrek 2 is an undying classic.

I kind of want to release like, a whole comedy album or just an EP of the songs I come up with, ‘cause I have a lot of fun with those and think it could do pretty well. I haven’t really sat down and planned any of that out yet though.

If I can’t get a milkshake for some reason, my second go-to dessert is cheesecake. Especially the kind with strawberries on top.

I never actually thought about my lips until people started bringing it up. High school and the internet are both funny places.

Summer is hands down my favorite season, but I’m also a sucker for a day well spent during winter. Like going ice skating or whatever, then doing the whole hot chocolate, Christmas movies by the fireplace in sweaters thing? I love that stuff.

My birthday’s May 5th so I’m a Taurus, and for the most part I think Taurus traits are pretty accurate to me. The May 5th birthday has also given me awesome Star Wars reference material, even if I just missed May the Fourth. ‘Cause, y’know, Revenge of the Fifth and all that.

I’ve definitely run out of stuff to say by now, so I’ll go with something everybody knows about me which is that my family’s everything to me. I love my parents and I’d literally do anything for my little brother and sister.

#ihq:vlogwars #ihq:reesespieces #( youtube. )#//whoops i posted the wrong one first xo #ihq:content

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browniewhiz · 6 years ago

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What is money - 2018 squandering

Since it’s a new year again, I decided to make another kpop expenses breakdown by group. I’m not terribly surprised that JBJ overtook BTOB last year. A lot of it was from trying to get everything I could before the end of an era. Still didn’t manage to get my hands on a JLG bbu doll since that incident happened and put those projects to an end for him.

Anyways, let’s go over the breakdown. The grand total spent on Kpop in its entirety from what I could trace back was $4.2K. It definitely shows that I spent quite a sum on Kpop stuff because my shelves are packed and now take over my bookshelf. Good bye, my lovely books. Hello kpop albums!

JBJ - Top spot, beating out BTOB by at least $200. This is very accurate because in the span of 3 albums, I’ve managed to equal/beat my collection of BTOB albums. 10 Fantasy albums 2017-2018 purchases), 10 True Colors albums, and 7 New Moon albums. I’m not the type to buy photocards from people so I was playing a very expensive game of Gachapon with my albums. I managed to complete my white Fantasy lenticular card set though! It just took... 9 albums. I ended up buying a bbu doll of every member (except JLG... still want one but not used), 3 copies of their The Moment photobook because I’m insane, 2 copies of each version for JBJ95′s Home album and Donghan’s D-Night, both versions of Donghan’s D-Day, Hyunbin’s YG photobook, random official showcase merch from JBJ95 and Donghan, aaaaaand two different Taehyun fansite photobooks. It’s a very long list. 2019 should be much less unless all of them release an album twice or thrice (in Taehyun’s case should HotShot also get a chance to have 2 comebacks this year in whatever form).

BTOB - For both BTOB and JBJ, there might actually be a few albums missing from the total cost because I don’t have a record of when all the purchases were made so some duplicate albums I bought might have been in 2018 too. Anyways, I went even more insane with BTOB this year because I felt bad about buying 10 copies of JBJ’s album last year so when This Is Us came out, I crazily bought 14 albums. I was also trying to play Gachapon with their album goodies too. I failed though. I finished their bookmarks and 2 postcard sets, but that was it. This was even harder than with JBJ since I got the SAME postcards for like 3 albums in a row. So much of the same Sungjae postcard. Anyways, I calmed down and only bought 6 for Our Moment. The rest were from their Our Concert and This Is Us photobook, their hoodies, random Melzit goods, their seasons greeting, Minhyuk’s Japanese solo debut albums, and Changsub’s solo album. I also included the ticket cost to KTMF because I only bought those good seats to see BTOB as up close as possible. Also included the ticket for Changsub’s Iron Mask Musical that I got to see when I was on vacation in Korea.

Sungwoon + HotShot - So most of the expenses in this category is just Sungwoon. There’s HotShot’s Early Flowering, 2 copies, included in this too even though he wasn’t a part of that. Why not under Wanna One? Well, I’m not really a Wanna One fan so... I’d rather just label it as Sungwoon+. The majority of the cost comes from owning 1 copy of the 4 albums they released and the ticket to Kcon. Although Pentagon* and Dreamcatcher were also there, I only went because I thought it would be the only chance I’d get to see Sungwoon in person performing here. It’s also why I bought the more expensive ticket.

Monsta X places 4th due to their 4 version albums and those tempting pre-orders. How could I say no to all those goodies?!?! I loved their bonus photocards and little extras. Their lightstick and LA concert ticket is also included in this total. I’m expecting MX’s costs to go up this year since I’m planning to go all out and try to get the best ticket I can for their concert in the summer.

CLC rounds it out to the last group that passed the $100 mark. This was mostly from purchasing 2 copies of their signed Mwave albums as well as just owning a regular copy. I also got 2nd membership card as well, even though it’s super useless to overseas fans. I wish they had a lightstick because I would have bought theirs too.

*I got to see Pentagon with CLC and BTOB (along with their ex-company mate KiKwang) at a Hong Kong concert anyways. I think I enjoyed my time there watching Pentagon over during Kcon just because of the issue going on and... others around me.

Hoping that I won’t spend too much on Kpop this year, but I’m already close to $1K from all of KNK’s projects and their concert. I’m not complaining though. It’s been one rough year for them and 2018 wasn’t a pleasant journey. I’ll gladly try to support them as best as I financially can.

#kpop expenses #whatismoney #btob #jbj #monsta X #sungwoon #hotshot #clc #2018 was expensive #willingly broke #financially irresponsible

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heilewelt · 6 years ago

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Music, Coffee, Weed - An Interview with Van William

A tiny little while ago Van William played as support with his friends from First Aid Kid in Berlin. While the women entered the stage, his tour manager picked me up to bring me backstage for a little chat about his first solo album “Countries”. Van William offered me a beer but I don’t drink alcohol and declined with thank to which he replied, laughing, that he’d prefer a joint to a beer. But more about this in the interview.

Van William released “Countries” earlier this year after going through a rough time: the first really painful heartbreak, his dad retired and sold his fishing company - to work there and continue to do it when his dad retires was some sort back up plan for Van William and it crumbled into pieces as well. But now he could also continue to work as a barista in a coffee shop if everything fails...but so far I think, music will work for him. “Countries” is a very good album.

On this record you wrote the songs and then collected some of your friends to play on your record. Was it different for you this time with this record because it is your solo record?

It’s weird because my previous bands, Port O’Brain and WATERS, started as solo projects. When Port O’Brain started it was just me and then we added band members over time, same with Waters. In some ways it was actually pretty similar. It’s just my name on it instead of a band name. When we recorded it I didn’t even know if we would call it a band name or my name or anything. In that way it was pretty similar. But it was the first time that I ever spend a good amount of time, 10 days, living where we recorded. We just lived north of San Francisco in a house and worked late, made dinner for each other, drank vine and smoked pot and just had a communal living for 10 days in nature. And going for hikes and walks. It felt like a weird vacation therapy thing and we also made a record.

Music is therapeutic – as much for the listener as for the writer. I mean you had your life changed quite upside down in a way, loosing your girlfriend, loosing your back-up plan. For me your album sounds quite happy when you don’t listen to the lyrics too much. I mean melody-wise it’s pretty danceable but the lyrics are not so happy.

It’s a pretty sad record honestly. I was in a pretty tough place when I wrote it. But I also wanted it to reflect all the different parts of a relationship, not just the end, the terrible part but also the beginning where it feels like you’re on drugs. You know what I mean? Being in love feels like being totally insane. That is the song “Before I found you”. It’s about being in love.

That’s the crazy video which you’ve just released. I read that music videos are very important for you as being a part of the album. Why?

For me it’s a huge part of the way your project is presented to the world. For a musicians there are a ton of ways to visually express yourself. Although I’m not a visual artist tho’ but when you have this opportunity it’s really special and cool. I always spend a lot of time thinking about the videos, the concepts - how I want them to be and how I don’t want them to look. For “Before I Found You” was really important to me. Because the song is about being in love and this kind of insane thing, I wanted it look like the David Lynch movie “Wild At Heart”. I always remember this couple when I was in love. Their love is so pure, even though they’re both from totally fucked up situations. That disappears when they are with each other. At least for most of it. I knew I wanted to work with Sylvia Grav. She was the director who also did all of the artwork for the record and the Alaska video. I’m still very happy how it all turned out.

How much influence do you have in how the video should look like?

I had the idea for the “Wild At Heart” reference but then the watched the movie together and we had some other ideas and talked about it for hours – we live together. I trust her so much visually that I’d come up with a general idea and trust her from that point on. Then it’s all her, down to what type of car and location and actress. That is all her. I’m just there if she asks for my opinion. If there is ever anything we disagree on, I always just trust her.

That’s good.

[laughs] I’m a musician and not a video director. She is. It’s important for me to be involved in it and be a part of the vision. It’s important to know when to hand that power.

In your music video you’re always acting yourself. Why?

I always enjoyed that part. It would feel weird if I wasn’t in the music video for one of my songs. If I had a dancing video, I’d take dancing lessons and learn to dance. It’s just like a press photo. It’s part of the deal and I like performing. In Highschool I was in Drama. It’s fun. Also, I think it’s a way – if you hear ‘Revolution’ on the radio or something you don’t know what my vibe is. I mean not that it is super accurate but it’s at least a window into the vibe of the song.

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On the album half of the songs were written by yourself and the other half were co-written. What do you prefer?

I prefer co-writing. I think collaboration is one of the most enjoyable parts of this career. Not with everyone tho. I have had co-writing sessions with people which were terrible. I have certain people I write with, who are able to get stuff out of me and I get stuff out of them that we wouldn’t be able to do on our own.

Is it important to have this personal connection?

I think so. Chris who I wrote “Revolution” and “Cosmic Sign” with is my best friend. Mike who I wrote “Before I found You” and “You’ll Be On My Mind” is my songwriting hero. Marta, my ex, and I worked on a couple of the songs together. It’s important. I had sessions where I met someone and immediately started to write songs together and it’s usually weird.

For this album you had a ‘no synths’ rule. Why do you need to limit yourself on something?

Mainly it was because my band Waters had so much synths on every song. I think it’s important to have some limitations when you’re making a record. My records tend to be all over the place – slow songs, fast songs, trumpets, strings, this, that – there is all this stuff and I want to create a world for the record. When making “Countires” I felt there wasn’t really room for synths…as leads anyway. But for the next record, which I started writing, there will definitely be synths. I love synths. I used synths in my whole career but for this one I wanted it to be a little more acoustic.

I think especially for songs about break ups and such it feels more organic when it is more acoustic. It makes it even more ‘being there’, not so hidden. One of the first questions I wrote down when I prepared the interview was – because I read in an interview that your passion is coffee and you worked in a coffee shop – what is better for your songwriting: coffee or weed (since you’re not so much a beer drinker)?

Definitely weed. Not always and not that much of it. When I’m too stoned I just write the worst things ever. If I have a little weed and maybe even combined with a little coffee, it can clear me up a little bit. I feel like I’m the type of person who has a lot of anxieties and things blocking my creative process. I can fight through that. I don’t need weed. I’ve written plenty without weed, most. If I’m a little stoned it’s just a way for me to make it easier to connect with that creative side. Especially at night. It’s legal in California now so it’s easy to get exactly the type you want. Weed is important to me. I could have not a drop of alcohol for the rest of my life and be fine. Coffee also is huge. I wouldn’t be able to talk to you unless I had coffee. I wouldn’t be able to get out of bed unless I know there is a way to get coffee.

I haven’t known you or your music before yesterday evening and just from you music and the photos I saw I would have never imagined you on a commercial fisher boat. In my head it doesn’t really fit together.

I’m not the typical Alaska fisherman. I’d just go to Alaska for four month every year since I was born. In these four month life slows down because it’s always light outside and there is just nothing going on. Before I started working on my dad’s boat we were just hanging out in Kodiak City which is just 5000 people and there is nothing to do. These four month would feel like six month. When I was growing up I didn’t know where my home was. It was always either Alaska or California. I liked being in Alaska more.

Because you’ve been there in the summer?

I don’t know. I was never very social, I never really liked hanging out with friends. I’d much rather just hang out by myself. So, when I was in California you have to hang out with people all the time. And then I go to Alaska and I don’t know anyone. I could just hide. I love California and there are a lot of hiking opportunities as well but you always got to hang out with all these people who I love. They’re amazing but I also like to get away from it.

Do you seek for something else where you can go now that the fisher boat is sold so you still have your four month break in a way?

For now I’ve been touring so much. I worked this last summer for half a summer. I haven’t done a full summer in a while because I’ve been touring. I’m kind of used to the idea of not doing it this much anymore.

It was your back-up plan…

It wasn’t even really a back-up plan. It was always like I would have been equally happy doing that.

I think I have asked all my good questions, the rest is just bullshit. So, maybe I ask one last question: What makes coffee good coffee?

I think there are many things. Every step of the way. One thing you can’t get around is the combination of the quality of the coffee bean and the roast. Until 10 years ago everyone was roasting coffee way too hard. It gets black and oily like at Starbucks. It’s basically just a way to mass produce coffee because if you roast something that hard it all taste the same level of shit. It’s burned, cat urin kind of smell. It’s disgusting. If someone has never has coffee in their life you have them taste a Starbucks cup of coffee, they would spit it out. We’re conditions to swallow it. Coffee is a berry. Berries can be sweet, they can be sour, they can be acidic and they have all these beautiful things. You have to be very precise and very careful but it’s possible that it is all these things: rich and complex and sweet and not bitter at all. It’s a very exciting thing that is happening at the moment. I see it more and more. Even this tour. Last time I was in Europe it was really hard to find a good cup of coffee in every city but now it’s easy. In Brussels there were three or four incredible coffee shops right where the venue was. Same in the States. Thank god. That was the most important question you had!

[laughs] Thank you for taking the time!

And for once I’m sharing some US tourdates as I’ll be at the Americana Fest in Nashville:

8/5 - Lollapalooza - Chicago, IL 9/7 - A&F Challenge - New Albany, OH 9/10 - Aisle 5 - Atlanta, GA 9/11 - Americana Fest - Nashville, TN 9/13 - DC9 - Washington, DC 9/14 - Baby's All Right - Brooklyn, NY 9/15 - Boot & Saddle - Philadelphia, PA 9/16 - Cafe 939 - Boston, MA 9/18 - Drake Hotel - Toronto, ON 9/20 - PJ Lager House - Detroit, MI 9/21 - Nickel Plate Amphitheater - Fishers, IN^ 9/22 - Space - Evanston, IL 9/28 - Lost Lake Lounge - Denver, CO 10/1 - Sunset Tavern - Seattle, WA 10/2 - Doug Fir Lounge - Portland, OR 10/4 - Swedish American Hall - San Francisco, CA 10/11 - Bootleg Theater - Los Angeles, CA ^ - with Manchester Orchestra

and even more news: a new video for “The Middle” from “Countries” which gives you little inside on how tourlife with Van William is like:

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Thank you for reading,

Dörte

#van william #countries #pop #music #interview #songwriting #the middle #on tour #before I found you #coffee #weed

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umusicians · 5 years ago

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UM Industry Profile : : Wizkid News

As an artist, one of the biggest teams rooting for your success is your fan base. They are the ones who will purchase your releases from digital stores such as iTunes, stream your music on various digital platforms and buy tickets to your shows. They are the backbone to your success and without them you wouldn’t be where you are today. Wizkid News is a platform created to support Nigerian Artist, Wizkid. From posting about Wizkid’s releases and those of associated acts, they’ve been able to keep fans informed about all things Wizkid. They have launched several campaigns in support of Wizkid’s music endeavours and more! Since their launch in 2014, they have acquired a following over 2 million followers across their social media sites. This is something very rare that we have not witnessed with fan channels dedicated to other artists. Amandah Opoku sat down with the founder of Wizkid News to talk about why they started the platform, their recent website launch and more! Check out our interview below!

Amandah Opoku: Hey Wizkid News how are you? Wizkid News: Been alright. Same old quarantine routine. I went to the park and did some content strategy. AO: For Wizkid News? Wizkid News: Yes, all day everyday!

AO: When it comes to the content you produce, what is your game plan? How do you choose what to post and when? Wizkid News: It depends. There are times I’ll sit and plan content out for like the next 2 or 3 days, perhaps if we have a campaign going on for a video or project. For the most part though, I just wake up in the morning and freestyle with my team. We’ll post whatever feels right lol, or makes sense. I often go scoping the internet looking for stuff that's interesting to post about Wiz or anything related to him. So yeah that's pretty much that. Oh, and we like dope content. That’s it! We’re just curating the page to look/feel as dope as Wizkid.

AO: That is very very cool! I know that in running a music site, we always had pressure to post this first or post that first. When someone releases a single for example, we wanted to make sure that we were the ones to break the news and everyone would come to us for the information. When it comes to the content that you curate for your socials, do you ever feel that kind of pressure? Like as soon as Wiz announces something do you have to be the first site to post it? Wizkid News: Definitely, I feel that pressure! When I first started, I was REALLY doing the most to stay on top of everything. I feel like I had an internal post notification alert before Instagram made theirs lol. I guess I still have it now, to a certain extent. It’s gotten easier now that I have a team.

However, that pressure to get content out first is not what it used to be. We’ve built up enough reputability where sometimes even if we’re a few, whether it be minutes or maybe like an hour late, I know people really value the news from a credible source like ours. If Wizkid News puts it up, then it’s really a thing. Wiz doesn’t usually share a lot on his social media, so I realize people often look to us as the source. Being mindful of that, we always try to make sure the news is legit & is in line with how we view Wiz’s brand. Yea, so being accurate & intentional are a lil more important to us than getting stuff out first.

AO: I want to take it back to how you said that you are seen as a source, that people won't question what you post. Forgive me, I only found out about your page before No Signall’s Vybz Cartel v. Wizkid clash. Someone on Twitter had tweeted a screenshot of your Instagram page with over 1.7 million Instagram followers. And because of this Wizkid had an unfair advantage in the clash. What do you have to say to this? Wizkid News: Lol you’re forgiven! The No Signall clash was dope, big ups to that crew for doing that. It was really cool to celebrate the culture of black music, arts, & entertainment around the world. I’m glad my team & I could contribute to the success of the Wiz v. Vybz clash!

I don’t really like the word “unfair”. We had an advantage, yes! That’s due to the popularity of African music which is the new wave currently making its way around the world because of artists like Wizkid. Wiz just happens to have the FC, which is very passionate about him & his music. Wizkid is an icon, and that’s because of him, his fans, and African music lovers worldwide. We, as a people/culture, worked (consciously & subconsciously) to build him & our music scene up to where it is today & I think we’ll continue to do so. We should be proud of that! AO: Yes, I totally agree with you on your comments about Wiz and his place in music and how Afrobeats has really grown. And I guess more and more people are welcoming that sound as part of their music catalogues and whatever they listen to on a general basis.

AO: For you specifically, I’m going to take it back to the 1.7 million followers you have on Instagram. That is a lot for a fan page. Why do you think people, this could be Wizkid FC, I know that they go hard for Wiz so they want all the news or general fans of Wizkid, why do you think they follow you? Why are you specifically one of the only Wizkid sites with such a large following? Why do you think people are drawn to your content? Wizkid News: Hmmm, you know I still wonder about that too lol. I think there's a few reasons. One of them is definitely consistency. We've been really consistent over the years. I started the page as a college kid back in 2014, and I’ve put a diverse team together to keep it moving, growing, & evolving to date. Another reason is that people simply love Wizkid! They love him for music, and everything else - i.e. his charisma and personality. They love his lifestyle & what he represents. What’s there not to like about Wizkid lol? So, the page is basically like a lifestyle. Every day, a fan can interact with the Wizkid brand in multiple ways since we try & feed followers a wholesome experience of Wiz.

A third reason is that Wizkid doesn’t post much on his own social media, so it allows room for our page to flourish.

Lastly, our content is fresh! I think our page really stands out in the media space! I’m really proud of the way we’re curating.

AO: Speaking on how you mentioned that people are drawn to Wiz’s charisma and his personality. I guess you tie that into the fact that you’re right he barely posts. He’ll pop up when he has a song coming out and then you won’t hear from him ever again, sometimes promoting and sometimes not promoting. Do you kind of see yourself as an extension of his brand? Not an official extension because you are a blog, a fan blog, but anything along those lines? Wizkid News: Of course! I definitely do. Before launching, I watched my brother/college roommate work as a contributor for a few Kanye West blogs. Kanye, like Wiz, would only be on social media ever so sparingly. So TeamKanyeDaily & YeezyCentral, to name a few, were the go-to sites for all Kanye updates. TeamKanyeDaily still is today lol. So, that’s how I sort of learned how to make my page align in an official manner with the Wizkid brand/camp.

AO: That is very very cool to hear about your brother! Wow so it's almost like you guys have a knack for running blogs and everything associated with that. My biggest question is, why Wizkid? You could have started a fan site or blog for any artist in the world, why did it have to be Wizkid? Wizkid News: Because Wizkid is dope! He was my intro into Afrobeats & actually African music altogether. I’m an American of Cameroonian descent. Growing up, I used to listen to African music here & there at family functions but hip hop was my favorite genre - i.e. JAY Z, Kanye, etc. In 2014, I was studying abroad in Europe. At the time, I was actually put on probation by the dean’s office at my school & had a strict curfew. So, I was in my dorm room ALOT lol & my morale was down. That September, Wizkid’s ‘AYO’ album dropped & I came across it while bored scrolling on Facebook lol. I recognized Wiz’s name since “Show You The Money” was big that summer & one of the FEW African songs I had on my phone. I decided to give the project a listen & I was hooked from that moment on! My whole mood gradually picked up as I vibed to that album repeatedly for days. From there, I went on discovering Wiz’s more & more of Wiz’s catalogue online. It was exciting! I realized I loved his music, and it was something for me to look forward to, despite being stuck in my dorm. That vibe is what gave birth to Wizkid News!

AO: Do you think in creating Wizkid news it helped you to better connect with your culture? I know Ebro from Beats 1 had a statement along the lines of saying we are drawn to Afrobeats because it's from the motherland, like where we’re from. Do you think that rings true of your creation of Wizkid News? Wizkid News: Yeah, 100%! Like I said, African music was only something I’d come across while at family functions. My phone was filled with very, very few hints of it & endless amounts of hip hop. I’m actually a big JAY Z fan, he’s easily my favorite artist! I own all his albums, all of them in CD format. However, Wizkid and that ‘AYO’ album really got me into African music. Wizkid became my next favorite artist & I consequently became a fan of African music genres! Wiz is truly a pan-African artist so I get introduced to so many sounds from the continent thru keeping up with his collabs, tours, etc. I’m able to experience the unity and diversity of African culture.

AO: Wizkid News…why that name? You could have called yourself anything. You know Wizkid Daily. Why did you settle on that name? Wizkid News: Yea, so I’m a big JAY Z fan. Jigga has a record called “Blueprint 2” & in the intro he mentions “JAY Z News”. That’s where I got it from, and it fit the official feel I wanted for the page. AO: Very very cool. I love how everything you do is tied to Jay-Z and his love for his music and artistry. You’ve really kept a bit about yourself in what you’ve created.

AO: From your point of view, what would you say is the most rewarding part of running this site? And what would you say is one of the most difficult things or challenges? Wizkid News: This page has changed my life and continues to do so everyday! I’m very grateful for that. The most rewarding aspect of running this page is having impact! Just knowing that my team & I are able to translate our digital influence to real life impact.

One of the challenges is just trying to get better & grow! My team & I are all about improving our craft & finding new ways to increase interaction & reach! We actually just launched our Artist Aux feature where we highlight new, exciting artists in the culture! It’s sort of our first time sort of showcasing other acts that aren’t necessarily connected to Wizkid/Starboy on a consistent basis. We’re doing well to make it flow into our content mix, so I’m happy. But, it’s a lot of work lol.

AO: Okay, so you must be a mind reader. My next question was going to be about why you decided to launch wizkidnews.net and I really wanted to go further into the Artist Aux Series. Wizkid News: I’m glad you asked! I feel like we were supposed to have had a website a long time ago lol. With the quarantine, we just had more time & energy to focus on getting it done. It’s also instrumental now that we’re really expanding our blog with the Artist Aux & the Wizkid News Playlist. Wiz is really the inspiration behind the Artist Aux. Wizkid was among the very first kid superstars on the continent. He inspires a lot of the young talents who came up around his time & those coming up today. Understanding this part of his brand, I thought it best to highlight some of these new, exciting talents! I’m glad we get to create more value for our features & our platform. Plus, I really love the African music scene worldwide. I’m genuinely a fan of many other acts and sounds. The Artist Aux & Wizkid News Playlists allows me to share and nurture some of my other interests.

AO: With the Artist Aux Series, how do you choose what artists to feature and interview? Do they need to be on Wizkid’s Starboy Entertainment label, do they need to have a large following, does there need to be a lot of noise behind them. Could they just be anyone? How does one get onto the website of yours? Wizkid News: My team & I select the Artist Aux features. It’s really just based on who we are feeling at the moment. I love Oxlade’s EP & had met him last year. He’s a really cool guy & a talented artist making waves, so I thought it best to feature him. Same story with Terri. We’re really excited about all our feature artists. Stay tuned for the next one!

AO: For any upcoming African artists how can they get in touch with you to potentially be featured? Wizkid News: I’m reachable via email & DM on IG. We try our best to review all throughout the week.

AO: People now have seen your success with Wizid News and we know that this was not an overnight success. You’ve been doing this for the last couple of years. For anybody who’s looking to start a fan site, what would your main piece of advice be? Wizkid News: Consistency + dope content are both key. Be reputable. Have impact.

AO: Wizkid News thank you for sitting down with me! To close this interview, what is your favorite Wizkid song and why? Wizkid News: That’s a difficult question. I can't even pick one Wizkid song because I have maybe a handful of songs that I like for various reasons. One that comes to mind right now is actually off of the recent ‘Sound Man’ EP, its called “Mine” with Kel-P. I love that song. Multiple reasons. Wiz is a versatile artist who can literally sound like an artist of any genre, but still be unique. On that record, he flows so organically & creates a one-of-a-kind reggae feel that’s both soothing and heartfelt. I think Wiz does a great job of making music that reflects his persona & this song definitely captures his very cool, calm, & collected nature. I also like that he’s working with a young, buzzing producer - Kel P.

We’ve teamed up with Wizkid News to bring you a playlist of their favorite Wizkid songs because it was hard to choose just one. Check out the playlist curated by Wizkid News on Spotify!

Connect with Wizkid News on the following platforms: https://wizkidnews.net https://instagram.com/WizkidNews https://twitter.com/WizkidSource

#Industry Profile #Interviews #Amandah Opoku #Wizkid News #Wizkid

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deaky-disco-queen · 5 years ago

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For the fanfic end of the year asks! 1, 3, 4, 5, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30!

Okay, so I hate clogging up other people’s dashes so I put this under a read more otherwise I will feel terrible

1. Favorite Fic you wrote this year

That’s probably And We Can Have Forever and Knock Me Down For A Six Anytime

3. favorite line/scene

Probably the closet banter scene from All You Have To Do Is Fall In Love because it’s sweet and silly.

4. total number of words you wrote this year

68,955 on AO3 but not everything I write is on there so it’s probably a bit more

5. most popular fic this year

Most popular by Hits is my Tumblr Ask collection, then Down Beside That Red Firelight. By Kudos though, it’s Bring Out The Funk.

7. longest completed fic you wrote this year

And We Can Have Together with 5046 words

8. shortest completed fic this year

All Your Love Tonight with 880 words

9. longest wip of the year

I’m not counting the Ask collection so it’s Bring Out The FUnk even thought that’s probably not counting as a WIP anymore

10. shortest wip of the year

none, actually.

11. fandom you enjoyed writing for the most this year

Queen

12. favorite character to write about this year

Brian for some reason. He’s just kind of fun and interesting to write about.

13. favorite writing song/artist/album this year

I’m not listening to a lot of music while writing but I did listen a lot to Zelda & Chill when I felt like I needed something else for a change.

14. a fic you didn’t expect to write

All of them? I never published any of my (english) writing before and it was a pretty spontaneous decision to make this sideblog in the first place so.. All of them.

15. something you learned this year

My writing doesn’t suck as much as I thought it did and smut is not half as scary to write as I used to think.

16. fics you completed this year

I mostly write one shots so most of them. I think it’s like 21 out of 24 published fics are completed.

17. fics you’ll continue next year

I kind of have no ongoing things going on at the moment but I do plan to continue the Tomorrow brings Tomorrow brings Love series (or the BDSM CLub Au as I am mostly calling it)

18. current number of wips

19. any new fics to start next year

Yes! My New Year’s resolution is writing a multichapter story. I don’t know which one yet but I have several ideas.

21. most memorable comment/review

There’s two. (I’m not going to tag them bc they don’t really need to have to scroll through this whole thing just for this)

This one by BisexualRoger on Nice and Warm:

Ok so obviously I want to talk about how wholesome this fic is, and how much I loved the ending with Freddie being so patient and reassuring with helping Roger navigate his new thoughts and such, but first I just want to say that the whole scene with the jacket is like, the most accurate representation of trying to handle a drunk person that I’ve ever seen. I just- “Rog, focus, please. Do you have a jacket?” - asdhjfkf that’s so exactly what it’s like and that whole exchange had me snorting with laughter.

Ahaha anyway like I said, I loved how soft and sweet this whole fic was, but especially the ending 💗 That was very touching

and this one by jessahmewren on Knock Me Down For A Six Anytime:

Oooh this was so incredibly hot and there’s so much I love about it! Number one, Rog in a dominate position. I think we all get stuck in subbing Rog and I love to write and read him Domming and you wrote him so beautifully here. He’s so unbelievably hot and such a star. Ugh, I can’t get enough of this Rog. Number two, the roleplay is just phenomenal. The outfits…those girls are hot as peppers aren’t they? I was drooling hon. That image of them all lined up for their spankings is burned into my brain. Just stunning. And finally the smut was delish. I just love the ideas of the boys having fun roleplaying like this. It’s just a great use of the prompt and really hot. And dom!Rog is my cup of tea all day long. Excellent.

But also shoutout to the lovely Jenfly/queensilveryfly who actually takes the time and comments on almost all of my fics. I know she probably won’t see this but I needed to say that because it makes me happy.

22. events you participated in this year

Every shipweek that has and will be happening (I’m too lazy to list them all) and the One Year BoRhap exchange.

23. fics you wanted to write but didn’t

There’s a pretty long outline for a slow burn breaky fic that I never really got started on which I think is pretty sad because I am very fond of the idea still. Other than that there is not much. I have a list of stuff I want to write but haven’t yet but that’s a different story

24. favorite fic you read this year

Definitely Tikini’s Princes of the Universe. Two reasons: Sci-Fi and she’s just such a great writer.

25 A fic you read this year you would recommend everyone read

Uh, also Princes of the Universe by Tikini, I guess. It’s great. But I also adore sweetillusion’s a million lights above you and can warmly recommend it.

26. number of favorites/bookmarks you made this year

I don’t know, countless ones. Probably a couple of hundreds.

27. favorite fanfic author this year

I can’t play favorites at all. I’m not good at it.

28 longest fic you read this year

I’ve been reading a very long Game of Thrones fanfiction since the beginning of the year, I’m not done yet but I’m at chapter 200 from 217 and the full word count is over a million so I think that’s the longest one.

29. shortest fic you read this year

Gosh, I honestly don’t know.

30. favorite fandom to read fic from this year

Queen!

#ask game

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lavendergrace13 · 7 years ago

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Album Review - reputation

SO! Hey guys! reputation has been out for over a week now and OF COURSE I was gonna write a review, because duh. But it took some time, since I really wanted to *feel* the album first and I needed to et it in my system in order to properly gather my thoughts. I have listened to it just about 10 times now and I can finally make up my mind about the songs that I like, the hidden gems, the nah-songs (spoiler: almost NO nah-songs) and my overall opinion. Since it’s a ver rainy Sunday and I don’t plan on doing much the rest of the day, I thought it would be fun to write an in-depth review.Or maybe not that in-depth, just a few sentances about each song... ready for it? I am, so let’s get to it!

OVERALL OPINION: God, I love this album. I’m not gonna say it’s my favourite or it’s better than RED or 1989 (my two favourites) because it’s just so different and so strong as a stand-on-itself album, especially since it’s a whole lotta Taylor and a whole new side of Taylor. That’s also the thing I love most about it: I think it’s amazing how the album is both vulmerable and honest, because it’s her telling her own story, and sassy and badass, because it’s her clapback to haters, the media and, well, pretty much everyone who ever hurt or neglected or bullied her. The album makes me FEEL stuff, guys. I love how many sides of Taylor’s voice we can hear, how some songs are soft and slow and others are YOOO IN YOUR FACE and BOOM and THIS IS ME DEAL WITH IT. I love how some of the songs are sexy and others talk about drugs and alcohol and how that shows that she is DONE with the good girl/sweetheart image and no longer ashamed of being who she is and liking the stuff she likes. This is Taylor at her best, her finest, her most honest and her most authentic and dear God, I adore that.

...Ready For It?: I love how she clears her throat. I love her rapping and then singing slowly and romantically There’s kind of a Wildest Dreams-vibe and i ADORE the second verse, especially from /And he can be my jailor / Burton to this Taylor / Every love I’ve known in comparision is a failiure.. And her moaning in the chrous, and the WOO-ing, the bridge... I love the lyrics and the switching between loud and pumping and soft and romantic makes me love the song.

End Game (feat. Ed Sheeran and Future): I was pretty disapointed by this song at first, but I’ve definitely come to love it. Truth be told, I don’t like the long rap verses, but I LOVe how the song makes me dance and I LOVE Taylor’s parts. The idea of her wanting someone to be her end game and her one and only is just so beautiful and I love how she sings about /I just wanna be / Drinking on the beach with you all over me/ because that gives me chills. Her parts are great. I also love the BIG REPUTATION thing and reputation proceeds me but as for the rest, it’s kinda nah.

I Did Something Bad: I feel like this is, lyrically speaking, kind of a sequel to Blank Space, because it talks about her being the female Casanova type and playing guys and serial dating. I like how it’s also her way of saying ‘’so what, I date guys and I like that, what’s wronig with that’’ and how she is the one to decide how she plays the game. I also LOVE the bridge, it’s genius and so accurate and haunting and I think it’s the perfect way to illustrate how people think of strong woman who just do whatever the hell they want. It’s not one of my favourites though, but I like how it’s a perfect girl power song.

Don’t Blame Me: Words seriously cannot expres how awesome I think this song is. I LOVE the jazzy sound it has, and it has me screaming along with the chorus because it’s SO soulful. I think was the first song from the album to get stuck in my head. I also love how it’s about how compelling love can be and how you can get drunk on it. In comparision to the previous song, it’s funny how she now sings about being totally bound to someone and your feelings for that person. Diversity, I told you!

Delicate: God, I love this song to pieces. It hit me right in the heart when I first heard it and I still love it so much. I love the pre-chorus and the chorus itself is just so delicate indeed. There’s vulmerability and tenderness and carefulness and insecurity and wall-breaking and opening up to someone in there and I love how the beat kicks in during the chorus and makes it even more powerful. I think this song has a really powerful sound that I think it’s amazing that the lyrics are so pure and romantic and it’s still a very dancey song.

Look What You Made Me Do: I still love this song. I love the lyrics and the sound and the bridge and Taylor’s voice in it I love how it’s a perfect snub song, sassy and kickass and perfect. She’s speaking her own truth here and I think that’s awesome. I must admit though that it’s the song with the less depth.

So It Goes...: A total hidden gem. I have come to love this song with all my heart over the last days, because there’s some kind of magic in the sound of her voice and the lyrics. It gives me this grand feeling and I don’t really know what it is, but there’s something bombastic and heart-stopping about this song and i LOVE it. I really do. That counting too... my heart. It’s a song that reminds me of two people meeting after some time apart and realizing that they can conquer the world together and that all is right because their love is so strong.

Gorgeous: Love it. To pieces. It’s the perfect falling for someone-song and I love how the lyrics show that that exact thing is often not romantic or convenient at all, and that it’s just captivating and awkward. The song is so easy to sing along to, and i LOVE the *DING*! Great song. Also, the part about her cats in the bridge? GOLD.

Getaway Car: God... this song. Out of this world. Seriously. The lyrics are genious and telling such a compelling story, but the song itself is just SO DAMN GOOD. The way the pre-chorus gets louder and faster and then BANG there’s this SUPERNATURAL BEAT and I kind of jump out of my seat every time. This is an absolutely EPIC song and the chorus is amazing. She’s vocally so strong and put-together here and oh my God I love this. Oh, and her saying ‘’getaway car’’ in a British accent is EVERYTHING. This song has my soul.

King of My Heart: This is pretty much the one song that doesn’t really get to me. I don’t know what it is, but when I saw the track title I was already like ‘’nah’’ and it’s just not it for me. The lyrics are cool, but it’s that kind of song that just silently plays and goes by without really being noticed. Maybe it’s because it follows Getaway Car and seriously, that’s a song you need to catch your breath after hearing. This is not a bad song, it’s just not awesome for me.

Dancing With Our Hands Tied: Another epic song! This kind of reminds me of Titanic, I don’t even know why but I love it. It doesn’t really stand out on the album, but I love how the lyrics tell the story of finally finding someone who wants you even though you’re broken and the world keeps breaking you and even though you’re afraid that you’re going to break what you have. There’s something special to it that I really have a soft spot for.

Dress: What’s not to love about this song, honestly? I love the intro. I love the pre-chorus, I love the ‘’ha ha ha ha’’ and I love the lyrics. Don’t think it’s all that sexy though, but it’s definitely one of her more risky songs because it doesn’t necessarily bring up thoughts about sweet and romantic sex, but it’s more like she is saying ‘’I’m not ashamed of loving to have sex with someone who’s special to me’’ and it’s also like she’s opening up about her previous sex life (rebounds) so that makes it a pretty deep song. I like it!

This is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things: YASSSS TELL THEM TAYLOR! TELL THEM! I love how she finally strikes back to people like Kanye in this song and talks about how she is sick of the drama and tricks and DONE with everyone playing and using and hating on her. I LOVE the bridge and I LOVE her talking about not keeping a straight face. This song is SAVAGE and it was about DAMN TIME. Love it. The Gatsby-vibe is awesome too.

Call It What You Want: This is definitely one of my favourite songs on the album: she is so honest here and I love how calmly she sings about not caring what is happening because she has someone who got her back She doesn’t care about her reputation and being called names and people who don’t know her anymore and I love how this song tells the story of how she’s grown and what matters to her. So beautiful. The bridge is so pretty too, and I love how it makes a statement by being near the ending of the album. THIS is what mattters, not her image or her bad experiences or her previous relationships. THIS.

New Year’s Day: I can totally understand why people cried during this song. It sounds so beautiful and the message is so strong and the lyrics are so pure and the song is just gold. I love how she ends with a song about what really matters to her and then a song about finally being in a happy and healthy and wonderful relationship with someone who isn’t perfect, but who she knows is going to stick around. It’s such a sensitive and heartfelt song and it really touches me when I hear it. Like I said, these two songs are so different and emotional compared to the upbeat and powerful anthem songs and stories about failed love and that’s what makes this album really strong and soulful: it’s Taylor’s story about who she’s become and how she’s grown and how she’s found love and that is just so special.

CONCLUSION: Iadore the album. It may not be my favourite, but I DO think that it’s definitely Taylor’s best work yet because of the diversity, the incredibly strong feelings that each song evokes, the messages and stories she’s telling and spreading and how personal and daring and vocally incredible it is. I love it and will listen to it untill the end of time and I cannot wait for more music videos and performances.

TOP 10 FAVOURITE SONGS:

In no particular order:

1. Getaway Car

2. So It Goes...

3. Call It What You Want

4. Delicate

5. New Year’s Day

6. Gorgeous

7. ...Ready For It?

8. Daning With Our Hands Tied

9. Don’t Blame Me

10. Dress

#taylor swift #reputation

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realyoungdarius · 6 years ago

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Trying to Find Common Ground With Different Groups. I also Briefly Talk about Marketing at the End.

I grew up in a city w/ mostly white, avg people, in a fam that didn't operate normal, w/ Schizophrenia & fluctuating & evolving sexuality, w/ a lot of talents (some sports, art, rapping, & playing the trumpet), w/ troubled, yet nice, demeanor, & w/ fairly bright mind. I need to say that I am not a white Juicy J. I was wrong when I said that before. I do have a plan to get involved in hip hop & rap. I plan on taking the Kanye West route and not be a gangster, a drug dealer, a pimp, a prostitute, or even a thug. 50 Cent said he's not gang gang.

When it comes to what I have in common with the hip hop community, it’s probably mostly a love for the art form and, with some people, wanting to make society a better place for all. The older people have different perceptions of things that can be a bit old fashioned. Although, I’d roll with both the old heads and the new heads in hip hop, because there’s bound to be a way that both can agree upon ways to deal with certain realities in the industry (some will hopefully just agree to disagree). I do listen to everyone and try to come up with reasonable perspectives. It’s already written in stone, though; especially after encountering political support against hip hop and police interaction on the issue of things spoken about in music or talked about in the discourse of talking about life inside and outside of the industry.

But, I should be able to come out with a rap album about my sex life and how it’s different. It’s not just the money that’d make me cautious as to who I choose to have a relationship with; it’s also my sexuality and other things I want to have common ground on. Keep in mind, that I’m not talking about coming out with a hip hop album about this topic, even if I’m mostly into the opposite sex as a male (being a straight male is what is accepted in traditional hip hop). I’m talking about coming out with a rap album with all of this in mind. There are definitely other artists coming out with music that isn’t for straight males. Hip hop and rap is becoming widely dispersed as a genre and sub genres of music that can impact people (from superficial ways to deep ways).

Keep in mind, that I didn’t grow up with parents and grandparents who were totally broke and in the ghetto with the gangs. But, I am broke now compared to most people making big money in the music industry and at other hustles they have chosen to pursue, even though I haven’t had to pursue hustles that could cost me my freedom (because of the laws on the books in many places people live). I just got out of undergrad, so I would only be hurting for money if I didn’t have family close who can help me out and if I couldn’t attain the other skills I need for a job working in a field closely related to my major and minors. I’m fortunate in that respect. A lot of people don’t have that. My family doesn’t have much, either. They are just sharing it with me, because I’d be forced to be less creative in my job hunt without the $400 a month they give me to live on, plus the thousands they spent on college tuition and books each semester and on the $40 of money I get for entertainment every weekend (which I spend on music related things; I’d rather not spend it on getting into bars and drinking).

My childhood was spent traveling around the country during the times I didn’t have school. That, and my hobbies and hustles kept me going throughout my youth. I got lucky on that front, too. I had a lot I could offer as far as artistic pursuits and sports. Now, I can’t really do many sports anymore, but I could still pursue artistic ventures. Those are what keep me going often times. My grandfather could take me on trips, because he was a retired officer in the military and also was a professor at Ball State University. My mother had some money, because she was employed as an architect. She didn’t make that much, and neither did my grandfather, but they made enough to keep my immediate family afloat and entertained.

For a while, I didn’t do well in school, because I was too focused on wanting to debate everything that was said in my classes and also because of Schizophrenia (when I wasn’t on a medication and after I turned about 14 or 15). While it was partly a good thing that I was wanting to debate things for truth (because it was fun) and it taught me a lot, it caused my grades to not be so hot. It took a while for me to realize that most of what I was learning was actually something I could use in the real world. I wish it would have taught me more about how to think. That would have helped me significantly. That’s one of the things I hope to learn in my graduate school program in Information and Communication Science. Of course, I’d also like to go into behavioral economics and do data science analysis. Anyway, I don’t quite relate with people who aren’t really that good at school, because I have a lot of ability in that area and I’m always challenging myself in that area; even though I can’t always quite remember everything I’m learning. Am I a geek, too? I don’t think so. What I’m learning and keeping track of is all real world knowledge. Maybe, eventually, I'll move on to being geeky, because I could get sick of the real world. That's just a part of how my mind works. I have a long way to go before then, though. I was a geek in high school. I played Civilization 3 and 4 all of the time. I sacrificed my efforts in school to get better at playing that game till five in the morning on school nights. I would go to school the next day looking and acting like a zombie. I was so tired.

Keep in mind, I did get in trouble all throughout my growing up years. I was bullied, though, so I kept away from doing things that were violent in nature. I did things that were non-violent, though, like be a peeping tom and make comments at a basketball game that I shouldn’t have (toward dancers and the players). I was a problem, that’s for sure. I also skipped a lot of school in high school and talked so much in elementary school that I was constantly sent out to the hallway and in trouble. I would also talk about the time I tried to have sex with my ex while she was trying to sleep (thinking she was going to wake up and want to have sex), but I won’t even mention that because it’s not even relevant anymore (I never meant to do harm to her and I wasn’t thinking about what I was doing at the time, because I was drinking and I was having thought disorders) I got over all of that, though, because I recognized what the problem was and I did something to change my ways. I’d never do any of that again. \

Keep in mind, I was 16 when I was a peeping tom. I was too young to be charged with the crime. I went back to the scene and fessed up, because I felt guilty. I would never be a peeping tom again. Thinking "what if I wanted to be a politician?" caused me to turn my life around, at one point. I didn’t come to that realization until after I had also made the comments at the basketball games, which I eventually got kicked out of (along with the Ball State University campus, entirely, at one point; which wasn’t entirely my fault, because the dancers had stalkers at the time and the police thought I was one of them until they heard my story of picking up my girlfriend from her dorm so we could go out to dinner and a movie with her. My girlfriend, at the time, could confirm that story was accurate), for a while while in college. I was eventually let back on campus and my record was expunged. And even after that, I had sex with random people at one point. I’d never do that again, either. I ended up with Gonorrhea and Chlamydia once, because I had sex with random people. That pretty much ended me getting involved with random people. Just think of the trouble I could have gotten into!

When it comes to religion, I started with a basic Christian background. However, I quickly became more focused on other things and wanted to expand my horizons and challenge the faiths with my inquisitions. Christianity was something that my mother was brought up with. My dad is an atheist or agnostic or something. My brother and I are both heathens, because neither of us agree with the main religions of the Western and Middle Eastern world. I do realize those religions are growing, but I have chosen to study and believe in the Buddhist religion and my brother wants to believe in some pagan religion. My grandmother and her family are still Catholic. My mom doesn’t go to church anymore, like her sisters do. They both go to Christian services. One of them is Catholic and the other one is a part of a Christian church. I respect them and their religion, but I’ll never believe it. I don’t really want to talk politics or religion much, except where I can find common ground. I don’t even question people’s beliefs anymore, unless there’s a legal problem when it comes to what they are doing. Anyway, that’s just a part of the way I feel and a little more about my background.

Before I quit talking about my background, I’d like to briefly talk about my medical history. I grew up fairly normally, until I was about 14 to 15 years old. That’s when I started really noticing Schizophrenic symptoms. I did lose over 40 pounds by running cross country and playing basketball, while in high school. That was probably one of my biggest achievements while in high school, aside from graduating. Graduating was tough, though, because of Schizophrenia. Schizophrenia, without being on medication or knowing that I had it, was something that caused me to not always be with it in school. I’m fortunate that I kept a good attitude about it, because I would have otherwise messed up a lot more stuff in my life. It still messed up everything from my social life to my academic life. I could barely figure out how to pursue a social life or how to succeed in school. For a long time, people thought I had Asperger’s Syndrome, because of the way I was acting out (I forgot how to act for a while). It was later clear that I didn’t have Asperger’s Syndrome, because I outgrew the symptoms and people don’t just outgrow the symptoms. I could barely focus in school, though, for the longest time, because I was so caught up with the feelings I was experiencing.

Those were both real challenges that I had to get over (both the social life issues and the academic career issues); even into my college years (before I was put on a medication with dosages that worked). I even remember being kicked out of the library and the student center (on Ball State’s campus), for yelling out to people I thought were talking about me (at the library, that included breaking a chair, which I would never do again, because I’ve never been much of the violent type). I was eventually let back into those areas after suffering my punishment. I didn’t know what the problem was at that point. It wasn’t until later that I found out that I was hearing voices over the television and radio, and sometimes during other times, having thought disorders, had paranoid thoughts, at times, and was, at times, seeing things. I found out I was Schizophrenic. After I received a medication and dosages that worked, I was fine. The paranoid thoughts went away, too, after I realized that it was all in my head. After I was put on a medication, I started losing my coordination, too; which means I quit being able to throw a baseball. Although, I haven’t practiced sports in years. So it comes as no surprise that I’ve had this happen. Maybe I could gain my coordination back, at some point.

So, if nothing else, what I have in common with most in hop hop and other genres of music is a passion for the arts; struggling in school (which is common for many people in the hip hop community, but for different reasons than other people); struggling with doing things that are evil (even though not everyone feels that way and some entirely reject it, because they have struggled with police harassment); a passion for trying to make the community a better place for all (which means fixing the political system for all and includes legalizing some hustles that are currently illegal, because they aren’t regulated correctly currently; I stay out of most economic politics and climate change politics, because I don’t know as much about them); a passion for some hustles that are legal; sports; and etc. I do have some things in common with some other groups, but they aren’t really typical fans of hip hop, such as kink, LGBTQ, sports, political, other music, middle income families trying to attain better situations, and other communities (which is fine with me, because I want to give them someone they could follow in the hip hop industry). This all goes to show why I typically try and stay away from demographic segmentation and focus on lifestyles, which is less mainstream, occasions, benefits, and attitudes, when marketing myself.

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lukecmurray · 8 years ago

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2016 Review

Last year I spent several days (and well over a dozen hours) reviewing 2015. This is a drastic improvement from 2006, when I spent several months reviewing the previous year. But still, the process could be improved. So, I spent about a half-dozen hours going over my process (see my previous post for lessons learned from that) and am going to hopefully finish reviewing 2016 in just a couple of hours. This will be a beast of a post, but should only be a single post. Here’s the structure I’ll use.

Why am I doing this?

Already did this last year, will just revisit and revise it for this year.

What did i do?

The highlights of what happened in each month, plus how many total checkins I had that month and lessons learned.

Best and worst things that happened.

Will likely be pulled from the above list.

Habits analysis

How much progress did I make with each habit?

Is it still a good habit? (keep/toss/change?)

What are the biggest barriers to crushing it and ideas to overcome those barriers?

Themes analysis

Love

Unplug

Core values

How well did I live them?

Expected vs. Actual

What things did I want to get done, vs. what did I actually get done?

WHY AM I DOING THIS

Last year, I clarified the reasons I spend several hours (and even days) at the beginning of each year going over the previous year in nauseating detail:

Make new/different mistakes

Get more accurate w/goals vs. reality. Get my expectations closer to reality, without lowering my standards or ambitions.

Increase my ability to accomplish goals

To record things, so that I have a sense of having lived, of having “done things”, of having moved forward in my life.

I would still consider these to be accurate, but I would summarize the first three by saying this:

"I do these yearly reviews to tighten my 'wisdom feedback loop'."

I wrote about what the 'unlived life within us' means to me: Decreased clutter and increased clarity. This, I think, is the essence of what wisdom in action looks like. So if I'm a) always making new and mistakes instead of old ones b) shrinking the gap between my expectations/plans and my reality, while c) increasing the difficulty of tasks to which I aspire, then I'm increasing my velocity towards becoming my definition of 'wisdom in action'. Or, tightening the wisdom feedback loop.

I also want to add another reason for doing this: To help others accomplish the same things.

I don't mean that they will have the same goals, but if they have the same reasons, I can help them. I've done this process in increasingly less wrong ways every year since I was 18. And each 'less wrong' process makes me that much more valuable to people that are trying to do the same.

Also, I mean this in both a virtual and physical capacity. Nobody reads this blog, so I don't expect that I'll be able to help lots of folks virtually in January 2017, but perhaps months or years from now people may discover it and use it to improve their own process for self improvement. I'm sitting next to my good friend Mike (pictured above) and he interrupts me every few minutes to ask about how I do x, y, or z and my advice to him is always based in personal experience...based on a lot of wrong ways that I've done these reviews over the years. Hopefully I can help facilitate more of these in-person sessions and be valuable because of the work I've put in for the past 15 years.

WHAT DID I DO IN 2016?

tried to get into car flipping

got ATLS certified

almost got a job in Owenton ER

broke up a fight in the middle of the street

BL summit

failed to get an in-person personal assistant onboarded

lived in Vegas: iora, boosted board adventures, time w/cousin’s fam

INSIGHTS - this was one of my best months ever and i didn’t bring my cell phone to vegas at all and I stopped at 7pm sharp every day.

clinic, then chief on service

INSIGHTS

I wrote about being worried to hit a burnout wall after my great January month, and this is what I wrote in the second week of feb "I did hit that wall (screwed around for 2 hrs on thursday PM)...but then recovered and have done okay since, and in the grand scheme of things, that's AMAZING for me (only screwing around for 2 hrs)." That's how in the zone I was - I complained about 2 hrs.

i turned down a lot of things to stay in the zone - ski weekends, a wedding in Oregon

After one of my best weeks ever in the history of recording checkins: "Why?It wasn't trying harder. It was saying no, keeping my head clear, and getting up really early to knock out all the stuff that I'd usually put off until the end of the day. It feels like a miracle, like I'm a new person. It gives me an insane amount of confidence...So remarkable that the true answer to how to make such dramatic change is basically: do less, say no, cut out the BS...if you do that, all you should be left with is your own voice, and it's plenty wise enough."

chief on service, then clinic

called friends in the evening for awhile

Michelle got sick

Annabelle was born

AMSA speech: Med Students & Adversity

Fancy Nick engagement party #1

INSIGHTS - was getting up at 5am in feb, this got thrown off by a couple days worth of surprises and never recovered.

Derm rotation, became great friends with Dr. Tobin

last night with Nick as roomate

Nick bachelor party

Nick getting married

took FM boards

delivered baby

South Africa...which included

time in the hospital

going to mosque, buying Quran, time with Uncle

cape point sunset

getting lost on table mountain

run through newlands forrest

robben island/nelson mandela jail cell

rondebosch garden

hiked lionshead

bungee jumped world’s highest

ostrich farm

snowboarded (indoors)

met some cool girls & camped at storms river

INSIGHTS

last year i spent a month abroad and totally fell off the wagon...did incredible by comparison this time. learned from last time.

recording what i did each day really added significantly to the richness of that experience it, because i get to re-experience those memories

Geriatrics, then clinic

Meacham

double date with Dr. Tobin

passed boards

did graduation roast speech, and tried to get drunk

started working out consistently b/c elevated BF % s/p Africa

got UK job

Florida trip to negotiate with landlord

Dale Hollow houseboat trip with Amy’s family

moved into RV, LOTS of time working on it & hosting friends in it

Samuel helped work on the RV, became my friend

family trip down in GA

marriages: Emily Wehrley. Stu Brenner.

INSIGHTS

friends went on a surfing trip to charleston and i turned it down, hard to do, glad i did

“#1 HAVING A MORNING ROUTINE THAT KNOCKS OUT A BIG CHUNK OF THESE <habits> GUARANTEED....I'M JUST TOO ANXIOUS TO INVEST THIS TIME IN THE AM...BUT THAT'S WHAT I SAID IN MEDICAL SCHOOL THAT KEPT ME OUT OF THE GYM FOR YEARS. Wow, i really need to work on controlling anxiety/pressure in the moment.”

went low carb

worked on RV, RV expo

trip to Charleston b/c friend got sick, surfed

started my autobiography

scanned all family photo albums

visited all my old friends

GA visit b/c Melissa back from deployment

Pa visit x 1 wk

INSIGHTS

While in Charleston “it's REALLY hard to steer when you feel pulled all over the place by circumstances. but the consequences of ignoring those circumstances and plowing through are mostly illusory...i could only stop by <the hospital> for one hour 3 times per day and that would be PLENTY of visiting time. i could then spend the rest of the day working by myself”

While scanning photos “why do i feel behind? b/c I am compared to the schedule i made for myself at the beginning of the year. pretty silly to be operating off of a plan you made 6 months ago.”

time with family/grandparents in OR + coast...SUPER quality time

surfing in OR

writing autobio

Spout Springs visit

credentialing for job

pendelton roundup, deck with dad, Bethany visit

garrett NYC proposal trip + Adeel + Chris Salotta visit

INSIGHT

time with gparents was some of the best & most important things I did all year

best month of checkins in ever (4 yrs!!)...not sure why

freaked out about every friend i have getting married/engaged. changed my priority to emotionally fulfilling hangouts instead of caring about ‘romantic relationships’

installed solar panels

autoB progress

started talking/helping Aalap with SignalHealth - DC conference

Such family camping trip

started Curt book

first shift at UK as employee

surf trip to SC with Raney’s

job apps

moved into jenna’s

comedy club with dr tobin

long weekend with DP & friends

ehof - board meeting, event

accomplished my NY resolution!

G life transition meetings

job apps

started Murray Medical, LLC

hurt myself w/flag football

confirmed BIAB project/EHOF book

global entrep week

alejandra x 1 wk, visited everywhere + beaufort

such appreciation dinner

started work at KDMC

INSIGHT

after an 80 checkin week “best week i've ever had in my life. a LOT of it was about saying no to the camping trip this weekend. that was hard, but i'm proud of myself for doing it. also got to practice not feeling sorry for myself by wishing i was somewhere else.”

worked every day at KDMC

Freeda adventures/challenges

brought back 2 people from codes

ski trip with friends at PNS

INSIGHT

Working 34 days in a row was awesome because it created a routine that allowed me to consistently do lots of things (besides work) and improve at a much faster pace in my medical skills & knowledge.

BEST AND WORST OF 2016

BEST

finishing residency & passing boards

not getting a job - was scary, but this provided me the freedom to do lots of other 'life list' important things

having one metric that mattered and tracking that only - doubled down on using coach.me and accomplished my NY resolution for the first time in my life

also...

gave med student adversity speech

Annabelle was born

nick marriage/end of a great roomate run

south africa month

RV - doing what i said

quality time - vegas, grandparents, parents, friends, surfing

WORST

I didn't grow in my romantic relationships as much as i did in 2015 - In 2015 i grew a lot by having the goal to be "terrifyingly honest" in relationships. I didn't push myself to that standard this year and stagnated as a result.

also...

things took longer than I thought - but that was good lesson to learn because it forced me to accept and live by realistic timelines, and because i didn't have a job I could follow all the way through on my plans

RV was more work than expected (example of above) - i first was glad that i spent time getting to know the RV and how to fix things, but i got to the point where i don't care to 'learn' more, i'd rather spend that time being a doctor and use the money made to pay a professional.

i got broke - i coasted on credit cards in the interim between residency and starting a job and got pretty close to 100% broke - but this was also a lesson that was important. things cost more money than you expect and if they are really priorities, then you've got to pay the price, in both time and money.

HABITS ANALYSIS

In my recent post “My Goals for 2017″ I said:

“Last year my goal was to check in to more daily habits on coach.me. And I crushed it. And it had the ripple effect of me crushing a bunch of other areas of my life...when using the 'total number of checkins metric’ I improved 107% since last year and 60% over my best year ever (2013).”

This was the only metric that I tracked week over week. And because of that, for the first time ever, I consistently did week reviews where I knew how far ahead or behind I was from my overall goal (eg on July 1, I should have 1,000 checkins for the year, if I had 1,100 at that point, I would note that I was 10% ahead of schedule). Making this the only metric that I tracked had a positive affect on lots of the parts of my life - most obviously, on each of the areas the specific habit addressed.

So, now I’m going to take each goal and ask:

How much progress did I make?

Is it still a good habit? (keep/toss/change?)

What are the biggest barriers to crushing it and ideas to overcome those barriers?

progress vs 2015: 272 checkins vs 117 checkins. 132% improvement.

I didn't feel like i was growing in this in 2015. I was doing it but didn't feel more calm/mindful throughout the day, which is the whole point. Late this year I downloaded several meditation apps and HeadSpace stood out as far and away the best one. I've spent at least $100 total at this point and I really am growing in this super important area. I catch myself (the most important part) getting anxious, frustrated, distracted, etc. and then use the techniques I've learned from this app to get back to calm. Probably the best money I spent all year in terms of its return on my health.

keep/toss/change: definitely keep, continue progress with headspace app

barriers: just making the time, but i'm at a point where i like this enough that it doesn't take discipline. sometimes i do it when i'm tired and don't get much out of it. On those days I should consider doing it twice - the second time when I'm not exhausted.

progress vs 2015: 233 checkins vs 111 checkins. 110% improvement

In 2015 wrote about wanting to feel clear-headed after walking away from a session of reviewing goals & 'visioncasting' and i didn't have a good process for it at the time. Surprising to see that this was still an issue as of the end of 2016. i came up with a system just a couple days ago that will hopefully help with this and i think the reason this will work is because of my improved mental condition/focusing of the mind that came from meditating. Glad to see how long this problem has existed. Should motivate me to solve it this year.

keep/toss/change: keep it as a goal, but changed it as noted above to have some structure

barriers: lack of clarity - which I have now

progress vs 2015: 138 checkins vs 77 checkins. 78% improvement

Posted 60+ things this year, (< 30 last year), did much better, big realization is that this was streaky. Another great example of being able to keep consistent tabs on something because you kept all your data collection in one place (I kept track of all my writing progress on coach.me, including using the notes section to keep track of when I posted stuff).

keep/toss/change: I would like to actually start sharing my content somehow. This probably means fiddling with marketing, setting some goals about viewership, but I feel like this might do two negative things: 1. scare me off from writing and 2. change what/how I write. So will probably at least track viewership or something.

barriers: none for posting on this blog. Barriers to working on larger projects (book, etc.) are the same that used to (and sometimes still do) keep me from publishing on this blog. Namely: fear. I think the answer for that is writing with friends. Going to try to schedule writing hangouts, even if only brief ones.

progress vs 2015: 210 checkins vs 80 checkins. 163 % improvement

Goal last year was 200, actual was 80. this year i didn't have a goal but hit 210. Hell. Yes! Big realization here was starting with one small thing at a time. I went on a streak from august where I added one new thing to my physical health regimen each month, and kept it going consistently until late november, when I got injured playing football, then had a friend visit from out of town for a week, then went on a 34-day straight work assignment away from home. I took January off (though I still had 4 checkins that month + 8 days of skiing, vs my monthly average of 6.7 in 2015) and have been on track 100% thus far this month.

keep/toss/change: change to one small thing I'm doing that month to improve my health. Keep track of it in the notes of exercise.

barriers: injury (don't play football!). Simplicity/low bar - adding one small thing per month put me on course to have the best 4 months of physical health progress in years...maybe ever.

progress vs 2015: 153 checkins vs 56 checkins. 173% improvement.

This is a keystone habit. If I do this then everything else goes better. I realized this last year and wrote about how important it was. This year I had the second highest amount of improvement of all my habits (except for eat the frog, which was 193% improvement). I’m super proud of myself for making such amazing progress on this...but it still is the 9th most checked into habit out of 12. As one of the most important habits it should be one of the most checked into.

keep/toss/change: keep - and double down on it! again!

barriers: Make sure to identify it when planning the day and checking it off when you do it, even if it’s not a specific action (e.g. if you stayed calm all day).

progress vs 2015: 51 checkins vs 82 checkins. -38 % decrease

I don't have this anymore....but the bigger lesson here is 'what's the thing that causes the background static/stress in your life and what's your process for getting rid of it or ignoring it?'

keep/toss/change: already tossed it, but getting out of my email inbox is my #1 goal for Q1 of 2017 and I'm well on my way. Also, to get rid of the static - my visioncasting format really is helpful in clearing my head to do this.

barriers: I'm addicted to my email inbox. Need to CREATE barriers (and an alternative outlet) to keep me out of it.

progress vs 2015: 113 checkins vs 83 checkins. 36% improvement

i crushed the boards, studying 37 days before taking it (about 83 times the year before total). Totally didn’t deserve that. So no clue what happened there. Then i got a bit lost on what 'studying' made sense. i started with reading a book summary every day, which felt like i was accomplishing something, but none of the content really stuck, even when i reviewed my highlights on the weekends. then changed to tax books, which was awesome bc i wanted to learn that stuff. i still need to nail down what this means and then pick a bite-sized way to chip at it. I also expect this to change often. I kept track of actual studying vs expected for awhile, which was motivational, as was just hearing that another resident friend of mine was working her ass off. Just hearing her say that she studied 2 hrs per day in addition to her residency duties lit a fire under me.

keep/toss/change: change continually, should be part of planning my day

barriers: lack of clarity on what this means, get rid of it by deciding what it means when i plan my day

progress vs 2015: 348 checkins vs 183 checkins. 90% improvement

Went OFF on this. not sure why other than that it's something you can get away with skipping a day here and there and still check in later. also stopped rating the days - not sure why i did this, other than i couldn't put a number when i tried to think of it. hopefully this is a reflection of an improved attitude and a better acceptance of my life, along with less judgement, which I wrote about on my birthday.

keep/toss/change: keep, might revitalize the 'today' project, because when I read through my summaries of each day they spark certain memories...but a photo does that so much better.

barriers: none...but might be if I start expecting myself to take a picture.

progress vs 2015: 252 checkins vs 145 checkins. 74% improvement

i've ended up doing this during my 'think about goals' time, which is not when it's supposed to happen. but everything i wrote about this goal last year, applies to this year

“I’m afraid to do this sometimes, especially if i’m not in bed on time & am tired….because i have to come to terms with all the things i will not get to do tomorrow. But then i end up just feeling sad and like “damn, tomorrow’s going to really suck because i won’t be able to get everything done that i want, and i’m bummed that i didn’t get what i wanted to get done today, too.” Wow, writing that. What a crummy/unintelligent strategy for ending your day. I HAVE to stop with energy/motivation in the tank so I’ll have the willpower left to accept what has happened that day & decide what i’m going to do the next day…because when I do do this, it really does feel mentally freeing & motivating for getting up in the morning…i literally don’t want to wake up in the morning when I haven’t done this because I just have this ball of vague stress to great me that I feel: “Well, not sure what all this stuff is that i need to do but i know that i’m not going to be able to get as much of it done as i want to and even what i decide to work on i probably won’t get finished which is going to give me a feeling of being even more 'behind’…so yeah - not pumped about this day”. What a terrible cycle of not-awesome! Glad I articulated the concept of paying the opportunity cost of planning up front.”

This even happened during my 6 months off, or on days i was truly supposed to be 'on vacation'. the idea of 'i don't want to wake up tomorrow'. That was a big surprise because i thought it was because of my job. It turns out it was totally because of my attitude - which was affected by my expectations (pay opportunity cost up front) and my energy. I need to manage both of those.

keep/toss/change: keep, but try not to do it until AFTER you've meditated and taken a high level view of your life (visioncasting/reviewing goals) so that you have the right mindset when planning the day.

barriers: my attitude at the end of the day. not wanting to wake up, addressed above.

progress vs 2015: 126 checkins vs 43 checkins. 193% improvement

This was one of the top two most important things on my list to improve from last year...and I did it! This was the most improvement of any of my goals. However, I still have lots of room to get better at this, as it was only the 9th most checked into goal I had.

keep/toss/change: keep. duh.

barriers: just having the courage to identify it when planning the day, and then checking it off at the end of the day.

progress vs 2015: 45 checkins vs 18 checkins. 150% improvement

These were too long and I didn’t have a central place to put them. I changed it and put EVERYTHING in my notes instead of on a spreadsheet or somewhere else and that 100% solved the problem. It kept me keeping track of my progress throughout the year. This little checkin session helped recalibrate me and actually fed my feedback loop.

keep/toss/change: change to track my 4 goals for the year.

barriers: none. just keep the time expectation down at 10min.

progress vs 2015: 130 checkins vs 68 checkins. 91% improvement

This is a goal that sneaks up on you because the problem is pretty much never solved (my back hurts every day and every night). In retrospect I had an amazing year with it. I was able to sleep on my back for a couple nights in South Africa, was able to stand for significant amounts of time without significant pain, and even let myself be active (i.e. sprinting) to push the boundaries of what’s possible for my back.

keep/toss/change: change by continuing to try new methods and seeing what works

barriers: this is all about minimal time commitment (5-10 min) and building from there, because some of the stretches feel SO GOOD that once I do a few of them I get more into it.

THEMES ANALYSIS

Love

I didn't set the standard of being “terrifyingling honest” so I didn’t get out of (or into situations) fast enough, or at all.

I also had a breakdown when a bunch of friends got married on the same weekend (felt like I was ‘alone’ or doing something wrong) & redefined what this meant. Ultimately, I’m not worried or ‘empty’ because I’m missing out on physical intimacy, what I’m missing is emotional connection, or interactions that fill my emotional tank. So now that’s what I’m doing - focusing on those kinds of interactions, and turning down ones that are anything less than 8/10 in this respect.

Also, part of this is giving/being selfless and it motivated my goal for this year.

Unplug

I spent time at the cabin and other time just alone, and it was good. Read Deep Work twice. Probably could have said 'no' a little bit more often, especially near the end of the year. Am realizing more and more that this is the ‘answer’ in so many ways.

CORE VALUES

This is the third year I’ve tried to systematically focus on one core value per week. I didn't do this consistently. I want to give up on it...but so did Ben Franklin. I now have it in my daily visioncasting so I think I'm okay with that.

EXPECTED VS ACTUAL

At the beginning of the year I listed out what I wanted to happen week to week all year long. It stressed me out once I fell behind this, and I wanted to somehow keep an updated sense of how many iterations happened and what changes were made. I quickly found that keeping track of the iterations was a huge hassle. So this year I’m just trying to book out my calendar really far in advance and chunk it at a high level (i.e. this week I had off and just blocked off “finances/admin” for the week).

I’ll publish my ‘takeaways’ from this review, as well as things to do differently in 2017 in a later post.

First Draft: 1/21/17

Published: 3/21/17

Time: 20+ hrs

Image Credit: me, and my buddy Mike Leek

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luvdsc · 4 years ago

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hello miss cat! omg yes i'm SO glad they're over they took up so much of my time and were so prolonged for no reason? i never understand how colleges keep 2-3 exams a day, give a long break, then keep 2 exams a day AND STILL have the entire thing go on for two weeks esp when it's online :/ the burn out 😔 aah i had a few research papers for my ergonomics class and econometrics which is always so hard to trudge through esp right after giving papers. but they're my chosen subjects after all

so i can't complain omg what have you been baking? does it turn out well? facetiming friends is always fun 💗 and 10 minute paintings sounds like such a stress buster! how is work? i've been working towards preparing for my drama exam coming up and i'm also teaching speech and drama to kids those younger than me :D and have also been researching for debates that i moderate with my friends from school. and YES i watched their dance practice it was sooo fun to watch i thought the winderella

i thought the entire escape room idea was so cool and the entire episode was just super fun to watch plus taeyong eating chocolate when everyone was solving the mystery!! 10/10!! i even liked the last episode I WAS ROLLING WHEN KAI JUST KEPT PULLING NOTES FROM THE BOX 😂😂 which was your favorite episode miss cat? hsbdkas i haven't watched the enquete episode entirely yet but i should now that sicheng said that LOL and YEAH OMG i thought it was kind of a red flag when he didn't tell her anything

hey that's so exciting! what do you want your space to look like?? being an artist as a profession is actually really cool! but it wasn't the most..what can i say now, stable? when it came to the economic standpoint so my mother didn't go with it :") ooo ok so from what i know when she's working on her cityscapes she's always like "the bigger the better" and she always works with knives on those so there's a lot of place to experiment with that! but otherwise when she has little time on hand she

prefers smaller canvases! omg yes a lot of her art was hung up at home (tbh it was more like storage before it went to exhibitions 😅) but she took them down because when my brother and i were younger we used to run around the house with darts and toy guns with ink rubber bullets which always ended up hitting the paintings rip and now she has her own studio so most of them are kept there! but yes she painted a family portrait so we have that up :") and a few more scenic paintings too!

dskcsjd i don't really think i enjoy interior designing that much mainly because i'm too lazy to start and move things around but yes conceptually it sounds like so much fun and i have sooo much respect for everyone interested in it. omigosh miss cat i could talk a lot about this but mainly since i teach speech and drama along with studying i love to experiment with different ways the characters can be portrayed when the younger students are performing! i love planning out play moves and

various voice modulation techniques! after all, there's no such thing as a bad molly weasley dramatization now is there? i looove performing arts and the feeling of being on stage is unparalleled for me with acting and dance :") i also used to write and edit but that was in school i don't think i've got it anymore rip. how about you? would you consider yourself creative? you've got a way with words so that's surely down for you 💗 it's so cool that you enjoy museums! do you have any favorites?

oooo yayoi kusama!! wasn't she the artist behind the fireflies room? (or was it something like that i'm sorry i don't remember what it was called jdbnsd) and monet is such a classic! oh wow, do you often incorporate impressionism into your artwork? (if that kind can be applied rip i'm sorry i'm not that knowledgeable about this stuff aah) 3d design!! ooo what materials do you use there? hndjxjdk oil paints take such a long time to dry don't they? awww doinf 10 min paintings sounds so cute!

what are they like, if you don't mind me asking? my weekend was good! i went to the park and fractured myself rip but otherwise i enjoyed by eating and sleeping well! did you have a good weekend? i hope you're having a super week and continue to do so! oh oh also, thank you for taking the time out to respond to me this is really sweet of you <333

also im sorry to randomly pop this in but i saw you got the album signed by our lord and savior our knight in shining armor our light at the end of a dark tunnel the woman herself QUEEN JISOO??!?!11/!?1 AAAAAAAH IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU MISS CAT YOU ACTUALLY MANAGED TO SNAG ONE WOW SJSNDJKNSKJ (maybe now you'll have luck with pulling her i hopeee ahaha)

✿ ✿ ✿

hello, sweetpea!!! 💕 oh my god, i feel- i had like 3 exams in one day many times before and i just wished they spread the exams out over two weeks instead of cramming all of them into one ): it’s such a terrible class structure /: also hate when teachers still teach new material when it’s supposed to be dead week ugh asdfkaljshdfkl i heard economy and i’m that spongebob aight i’m out meme 😬 econ was my least favorite business subject rip. do you like what you’re learning in ergonomics and econometrics? is it interesting for you? 💓

i’ve been baking bread!! my mom and i like making little french baguettes or the japanese milk bread :’) and they come out really nicely!!! we have fresh bread for the week, and i love making breakfast styled sandwiches with it 💖 work is going well! i managed to finish work early on friday and got off at 7 pm :D so that made me very happy, and i’ve been relaxing over the weekend 💕 omg a drama exam! what do you have to do for it? will you be reciting a monologue or performing or is there an actual written exam too? :o and you’re teaching little kids and moderating debates too omg you’re so busy!! is it difficult managing all of that? 😦 and winderella is soo pretty like wow visuals 🤩💝

omg YES i love love love the escape room episode too!!!! it’s also my favorite! and LOL yeah, i noticed that too and laughed when i saw taeyong more interested in the chocolate than the game aksjhflaksjd also lucas is so smart?? he figured out the clues so quickly in the most simplest ways, and i wished they had acknowledged that ): watching mtopia made me more interested in ten too, like wow, he’s really quick witted too 💕 sicheng is whipped for lucas and lucas only. lucas won the life lottery, he received sicheng’s affection and their feelings are mutual 🤧💗

i would want it to look like how i decorated my dorm!! i pinned up all the art postcards i collected from different art museums around the world in a sort of mosaic collage on my walls and hung up my paintings too :’) and i had my paintbrushes and paints stored in these jars on my desk along with a bunch of my books stacked here and there. it was like a bright organized chaos in my dorm room in a sense? i had large sketchpads and blank canvas shoved behind my desks and bed and paintings drying in various areas, but i knew exactly where everything was placed ✨and i totally get it!! it’s why i didn’t choose to major in art too because i wanted financial stability

ooooh my gosh, your mom does palette knife paintings??? those are so gorgeous!!!! 🤩🤩 i looove seeing those being painted and i wish i was skilled enough to do those :o AND SHE HAS EXHIBITIONS?? SHE’S LITERALLY LIVING THE DREAM 💘💘 aksdjfahjlks i hope none of her paintings got hit 😅aaaah it’s great that she still has some of them up though :’) my mom hung up all my paintings too and it made me so happy when i saw 🤧

akjlshfdlja omg i feel that, like it’s fun to just think about it but actually moving furrniture around is hard work rip. once i move in somewhere, the furniture is gonna stay like that until i move again LOL oooo so do you teach different ways to portray a single character? do you create your own characters or do you use a preexisting one? have you ever created your own original play before? :o omg i have so much respect for actors and performing arts honestly, like memorizing all those lines and then having to add emotion to it plus remembering where you’re supposed to stand and go amongst a million other things?? i would completely fail. the only times i participated in performing arts are for piano recitals :’)

ooo yes, i would consider myself creative!! i love making things, like whether that be through building robots, drawing, painting, soft sculpting, 3d designing, graphic designing, baking, cooking, writing, etc. it’s just so much fun to be able to create. there’s something magical about being able to bring something from your imagination to life ✨ also, thank you so much 🥺💗 i looove moma!!! both the sf one and the nyc one! i also really love the louvre and museo thyssen-bornemisza 💜 i also really really want to visit the monet museum in france one day because i wasn’t able when i traveled there in the past, and i imagine that one will become my favorite if i do get the chance to 🌷

omg yes, you’re correct, she is indeed the one who made that!!!!! she made all those pretty mirror rooms with lights ✨ i absolutely adore her work 💟 and yes, i do!!! I try to incorporate monet’s style into my own paintings by doing a lot of short strokes and studying how sunlight hits nature. and rather than trying to be perfectly accurate, i go with my intuition. it’s kinda like how cher describes it in clueless, like from far away, it looks ok but up close it’s a mess LOL and omg it’s ok, you don’t need to apologize!!! thank you for taking an interest in my art :’) for 3d design, i used foam, cardboard, newspaper, wax, and metal wires!! and yeah, oil painting takes days, even weeks, to fully dry rip but it’s so much easier to blend and paint with because of the slow dry!

i do small paintings of flowers in ten minutes! i included some of them in my letters here 💛 oh my god, you fractured yourself??? how did that happen 😭 did you go see a doctor and get a cast? does it hurt now? pls be careful ): i did have a good weekend, thank you! 💞 i slept in and ate lots of good food :’) and thank you so so much, my week went well too 💟💟 and omg of course, you don’t have to thank me, lovebug, i enjoy talking to you!! 💓 💓

AND YES I DID!!!! I’M SO HAPPY 😭💜💜💜 I HAVE IT DISPLAYED IN MY ROOM AND IT’S SO BEAUTIFUL 🤩 THANK YOU SO MUCH 🥺💟 omg i actually just bought all her pcs 🤧💗 jisoo is an expensive woman, but i have most of her pcs now :’) and yes, hopefully when the next album comes out in two years hopefully, i’ll be lucky enough to pull her pc 💞💞

how have you been, sweetpea? how’s your weekend going? 💚

#asks #shawtythatsyou

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